I am writing. Really.

[brainofck]

...but when you post in your RL journal about the victory of trimming your toenails, you gotta think that the writing might be going slowly... :)

But weirdly enough, I realized that the big problem is that I'm trying to write the gender!bender happy ending, and I'm having trouble even getting Daniel to turn gay. NO idea how hard it's gonna be to get Jack to cooperate.

*peers at Brain*

My brain has never had trouble suspending its disbelief before. Maybe because this who story has been all about Daniel's self-identity, and now I'm trying to get his self-identity to do something that I can't convince myself is realistic?

Anyway, I'm committed to getting this stupid happy ending done, as well as the tragic!Daniel ending, which will involve the same machinations. It'll come to me in some way that works. I'm sure of it.

In less annoying writing news, I accidentally dated my story. I prefer my J/D stories to be vague about the when, but basically to be pre-Ascension unless Ascension plays an important role in the plot. So now I have to revisit a scene and do it a different way. Therefore, you can have the benefit of the smut-that-will-never-be.



All in all, it was good to be back to normal again. Daniel had adapted. Made certain adjustments, but in general, his female body had never felt really like himself, and just being able to pee standing up again made him happier than he would ever have expected.

And women got him hot again. Just as an experiment, he brought The L Word up on On Demand one night. With luck, he had caught one of their steamier episodes. No less than four hot lesbian fuck sessions.

He tried not to read anything into the fact that the hottest one was the pretty trannie with the strap on doing her lipstick ex-girlfriend by the side of the pool.

The point was that with all those lovely female parts on the screen, he literally masturbated himself into oblivion. He woke up hours later, well after midnight, with a crick in his neck, an abused and raw dick, and dried up cum on his shirt where he had wiped his hand between sessions. He was so happy he wished he could call someone and tell them how hot lesbian sex was.

He couldn't think of anyone who would appreciate a call like that from him at 1:30am on a Tuesday night. So he had a shower, a good long standing-up pee, and went to bed.

Comments

[whisper99.livejournal.com]

Comment on the first part: Ok, that's because you spent so much time getting him to come to terms that he's now a girl that y'know, he ought to stay a girl *extremely biased hint hint* ;)

Comment on the second part: LOL! Oh, poor dear boy. Yes, he does sound happy!

[whisper99.livejournal.com]

Ok, here's a thought. Daniel can end up liking both, yes? At some point, he was turned on by Jack - and I don't think you could say that the only reason this happened was because of his girly bits, right?

My question would be more, why would Jack be all hot and bothered for a boy Daniel? Unless he was already hot and bothered for him to begin with, before the switch. That's actually something I thought might happen in the story - that Jack had wanted to bed Daniel, just not as a girl.

Thoughts

[brainofck.livejournal.com]

As far as Daniel liking both, that's kinda where I'm headed. Liking both in a Jack-centered kind of way. Just having some trouble making that come out on paper in any realistic fashion. Like I said, I'll definitely work that through.

Jack on the other hand is a little bit of a problem for me. This has all been Daniel's POV, so Jack's gonna have to spill if we're gonna know what's going on in his head. And throughout this story I have set it up in my head as Jack and Daniel were both straight when this all started and never attracted to each other. And I like the challenge of that. But I sense it's going to create trouble. My fall-back position might be something like you described, with Jack always having harbored some hidden tender feelings. We'll see.

Am I going to have to do the fifth ending just for you. Where Daniel stays a girl after all. *sigh* I am such a whore for my fangirls... But I warn you, it's gonna be after the baby, dadgummit.

Re: Thoughts

[whisper99.livejournal.com]

Let me ask you this...in the little excerpt, Daniel's thrilled to be a guy, glad he can still get it up for girls, etc. etc. But what I don't know (of course, since I haven't read the fic ::grin:: ) is how he felt about the 'morning after'. To me, that would seem to be the logical jumping off point for how Daniel is going to feel.

Daniel looking at girls and hot lesbian sex - and happily getting off on it - is it to prove he's hetero? Is it to prove what happened with Jack was just a hormone driven mistake?

And back to Jack - is he dissapointed Daniel's back to being a boy? Is he disgusted that he was attracted to him in the first place and wasn't able to control his reaction to wanting to bed her? Or even, is he finding himself exceedinly happy that Daniel got his boy parts back (since that seemed to be important to him throughout the fic) and yet, at the same time disturbed because he DID sleep with him?

As for a fifth ending, just for me? Can i just say *squeeeee!* even if a baby is involved! Ha! I'd love to see Jack react to that bit of news! LOL!

Re: Thoughts

[brainofck.livejournal.com]

No, no. That would be the birth of MY baby. *rolls eyes*

Have you seen my one MPREG? (http://brainofck.livejournal.com/98279.html) Though of course, this would not be MPREG...

Re: Thoughts

[whisper99.livejournal.com]

*snicker* Oh! Well...don't I feel silly ::blush:: Congratulations!! :)

*ahem* Of course, now you've set me up for dissapointment ;) LOL!! :)

[green-grrl.livejournal.com]

Oh c'mon, you can do it! I can see it, really! It's an only-for-you, only because we've already been intimate kinda thing.

He couldn't think of anyone who would appreciate a call like that from him at 1:30am on a Tuesday night.

Aw. 'Cuz Jack is so totally the one person who could appreciate that (in a totally grumpy, what-the-hell-jeezus kinda way ;-).

[brainofck.livejournal.com]

in a totally grumpy, what-the-hell-jeezus kinda way

*snickers*

I'll do it. Just got to stare at it for awhile. Had a breakthrough while commuting today, I think. Gonna have Jack show up in time to see Harper leaving. That'll take care of the Jack angle, I think.

Just got to get Daniel to the right spot to approach the hapless Col. Harper, and we have liftoff.

[green-grrl.livejournal.com]

Jealousy is a great Jack trigger -- he's such an alpha male that way! ;-)

Why is writing hard? *whine* Should have slogged through end of zombiefic yesterday and turned out 1100 words of hetsmut for genderfuck instead. Must. Write. Zombies.

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

Why is writing hard?

Zombies?

I have a drunk half deaf self-pitying musician fic puplette who only wants to lock himself in the bathroom and booze himself to death instead of advancing the story. As he SHOULD.

Writing's hard because we have to deal with these creatures.

*glowers at puplette*

DO SOMETHING ASIDE FROM LIE AROUND. YOU.

How about we wed our fics and you let the loose the zombies on his ass and that will motivate him to *do* something, even if it's possibly letting himself be eaten. And then you have the zombies. You see? Two birds, one fic.

It's almost like Shawn of the Dead. We can even have protagonists go to the pub thinking it will be the only safe place!

And then Jack busts in with a large gun and blows the crap out of everything and people have one big orgy to celebrate that OMG WE'RE ALIVE! WE'RE ALIVE!

The end. \:D/

Okay, was that a bit much?

[green-grrl.livejournal.com]

Hee hee! My zombies are about as active as your puplette -- they just hide out in the woods. I think Jack just needs to come in and kick everybody's asses. *dibs on being in the Jack/Daniel sandwich at the orgy* :-)

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

I don't know. I see the elements of the gender switch effecting him, but I think going back could be almost as tramautic - if not more so in some ways - than the first change. Because he forced himself to adjust, and then got used to it, and embraced it. It became part of him.

So now you've got a girl! part of Daniel wandering around in addition to the boy! Daniel was born to. That's a gender shipwreck in the head for sure. I'm sure you could play with it and actually have some fun with it, though. Daniel could mess with people, even. But then he's probably a bit confused. Maybe he thinks things should zing back to "normal" and finds they can't because his ideas in general have been changed, options opened, etc. And he finds himself going back into girl habits that he's learned, even if his boy habits come more naturally - in the sense that they are/were his primary habits.

And he might be into guys now too, just because he has had a taste of attraction to them. I don't know that that might go away even if one's biology changes back in a sense.

He could be open to cross-dressing. Maybe he's gotten used to girlclothes and, like at the first switch, at times feels odd in boyclothes. So when he's alone, maybe he orients himself by wearing something girly. I don't know. Or wears both. Whatever.

And he might miss his boobs. If I were a straight guy who found myself in a woman's body, I might be able to stave off the disappointment for awhile just because I had my own pair of boobs to fondle.

But then, he hasn't been all that enamoured of his boobs really, so.

And I am strange.

Hope this helps.

[whisper99.livejournal.com]

I would think that he'd probably be in the habit of checking his calander to see how close he is to getting his period. Or even finding himself in a bad mood and automatically thinking that he must be PMSing?

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

OOOOOH. Good one.

He buys tampons he doesn't need. XD

[whisper99.livejournal.com]

Uh-huh. Shopping on autopilot, he comes home with girl deoderant & one-a-day vitamins ;)

He hits the mall to pick up some things, notices panties are on sale at Victoria's Secret and finds himself looking through the pile before realizing what he's doing. Poor dear. :)

[brainofck.livejournal.com]

OMG! How upsetting! LMAO!

[brainofck.livejournal.com]

The thing about checking the calendar. That is brilliant! May I stick that in, if I credit you? :)

[whisper99.livejournal.com]

You may indeed!! :)

[brainofck.livejournal.com]

Awesome! :) That may be Daniel's only vestial girl behavior. But you know how mortifying it probably was, before he figured out his cycle, to start before he expected... *snickers like the evil female person she is*

[whisper99.livejournal.com]

I so can't wait! :)

[brainofck.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Daniel didn't think much more of his boobs than I do of mine. As in, dang things, why is each cup of my bra as big as a hat? :D

I don't think I'm going to have "the change" have a lasting impact on Daniel's day to day behavior (though the trauma of having to plan for his period could last for some time. Must consider working that in! *rubs hands evilly*). I plan for him to easily settle back into his "natural" state. No urges to cross dress, though he might save his girl clothes somewhere, just to be on the safe side.

The main after effect will be that Daniel actually did fall for Jack. The happy ending will have to hinge on the idea that this experience for Daniel was more than hormonal. It was real in every sense of the word, and just because he's a guy again doesn't mean that he feels any differently. It happened and it stuck. And now he's going to have to adjust again.

I'm thinking because of this, that Daniel's mind is going to be open to a lot of new possibilities.

I just need to get it to work convincingly on paper.

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

Eh, your ideas sound a bit more convincing and less angsty than mine (it is your fic and it is your fic puplets though, so, who knows 'em better?). I was sort of bouncing whatever came to my head.

I'm sure you will work it out convincingly though.

I'm thinking because of this, that Daniel's mind is going to be open to a lot of new possibilities.

Yeaaaah. You don't spend a year as a girl and fall in love and then poof! Back to Old Daniel.

He's shiny and Newish and Improved!

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

now I'm trying to get his self-identity to do something that I can't convince myself is realistic?

It does happen though.

I have tranny friends who have flopped back and forth. I have flopped back and forth.

Kate Bornstein, author of Gender Trouble, Gender Outlaw, and My Gender Workbook was born male, transitioned to female, figured out it wasn't much better being a woman because ze was still stuck in a gender box, and decided to be "whatever".

Leslie Feinberg is another trans activist. Ze was born female, took hormones and passed as a male for many years before deciding that wasn't working either and that something vital was still missing from zir life. So ze is whatever too.

I think there is a point, for some people who go on these kind of gender journeys - whether they want to or not - that everything changes to an extent that a lot of gendered ideas stop mattering.

I don't think Daniel's change would be so drastic, mostly because he kind of approached his feminity in a traditional and binary way. But now he's gone back and has got this baggage and is somewhere beyond being the guy he was and the woman he tried to be. He's like. Something new nearly. Maybe it's important to him to have a set identity as either male or female (probably is). But it might also be important to him to eventually acknowledge his identity has been complicated and he would lose something to ignore it.

So, like being girl!Daniel, he embraces this new Daniel, which is more on his terms than being girl Daniel was, because now he's got the freedom of choice in the matter in a sense. Which is very important with self-identity.

I'm probably repeating everything you've already thought of anyways . . .

One More Only! I promise!

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

And dude.

I read Jack as totally having the repressed hots for Daniel even before the switch, and that ended up being part of Jack's problem. He was hung up on boy Daniel but could not act on it, for whatever reason, maybe just that whole "I can't like a guy, I'm in the military, I dig women, etc"; then Daniel's a girl which is confusing and he could act on what he was feeling, but then feels all confused because he's like, well, I liked old Daniel as much or more, and it's like cheating in the sense that it saves him from admitting the full breadth of his feelings, or is it, or what is it, or fuck this shit man.

Poor Jack. He's got it worse than Daniel.

At least have some good sex in the end, or promise of good sex. Maybe.

Re: One More Only! I promise!

[brainofck.livejournal.com]

See, for me, Jack's place in this has always been really straightforward. He's not secretly longing for Daniel. They are the best friends in the way that best friends are best friends. Really. Not interested in sex with each other. Not interested in kissing or anything else. Just valuing each other's company and understanding each other and turing to each other in crisis, the way friends do. Trusting each other.

So then Daniel changes, and suddenly, Jack's attracted to this woman, who is also Daniel, and that's not right. Daniel's supposed to be Daniel, his best friend, not a canidate for romance and everything that goes with that. Plus, Jack is hoping that Daniel will not stay a woman, but turn back into "himself." So how can Jack let down the barriers that might let him consider that Daniel as a woman is a possibility to be welcomed? Romance with you best friend. Physical intimacy to go with the spiritual. All the good stuff rolled into one package. But not for the taking, because doing that because then he has to give up on his old friend, Daniel the man, in order to reache out and take Daniel the woman.

Then he gives in, lets Daniel persuade him that they can be more, and then he is faced with what he wanted to happen all along, getting his "real" friend back.

So Jack *also* has a decision to make. Does he try something he would never have considered before, and approach his relationship with Daniel in a romantic context, outside of Jack's straight world view, or does he decide it was all about Daniel the woman, and this new view of Daniel has no place in his life. Happy ending says, Jack reaches out.

And I now think I know what to do to push him over the edge to admitting it. Gotta love the commute home from work for inspiration! :D

Re: One More Only! I promise!

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

OOOOOOOH, now Jack makes a WHOLE lot of sense now that you've explained it. And I like how you have him. That makes a LOT of sense to me.

And oooh, commute inspirations! Yay. *claps paws in anticipation*

Happy ending happy ending!

We all know Jack is fully capable of change and growth, even if he is a surly ol' bastard sometimes.