I am writing. Really.
Apr. 24th, 2006 08:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brainofck...but when you post in your RL journal about the victory of trimming your toenails, you gotta think that the writing might be going slowly... :)
But weirdly enough, I realized that the big problem is that I'm trying to write the gender!bender happy ending, and I'm having trouble even getting Daniel to turn gay. NO idea how hard it's gonna be to get Jack to cooperate.
*peers at Brain*
My brain has never had trouble suspending its disbelief before. Maybe because this who story has been all about Daniel's self-identity, and now I'm trying to get his self-identity to do something that I can't convince myself is realistic?
Anyway, I'm committed to getting this stupid happy ending done, as well as the tragic!Daniel ending, which will involve the same machinations. It'll come to me in some way that works. I'm sure of it.
In less annoying writing news, I accidentally dated my story. I prefer my J/D stories to be vague about the when, but basically to be pre-Ascension unless Ascension plays an important role in the plot. So now I have to revisit a scene and do it a different way. Therefore, you can have the benefit of the smut-that-will-never-be.
All in all, it was good to be back to normal again. Daniel had adapted. Made certain adjustments, but in general, his female body had never felt really like himself, and just being able to pee standing up again made him happier than he would ever have expected.
And women got him hot again. Just as an experiment, he brought The L Word up on On Demand one night. With luck, he had caught one of their steamier episodes. No less than four hot lesbian fuck sessions.
He tried not to read anything into the fact that the hottest one was the pretty trannie with the strap on doing her lipstick ex-girlfriend by the side of the pool.
The point was that with all those lovely female parts on the screen, he literally masturbated himself into oblivion. He woke up hours later, well after midnight, with a crick in his neck, an abused and raw dick, and dried up cum on his shirt where he had wiped his hand between sessions. He was so happy he wished he could call someone and tell them how hot lesbian sex was.
He couldn't think of anyone who would appreciate a call like that from him at 1:30am on a Tuesday night. So he had a shower, a good long standing-up pee, and went to bed.
But weirdly enough, I realized that the big problem is that I'm trying to write the gender!bender happy ending, and I'm having trouble even getting Daniel to turn gay. NO idea how hard it's gonna be to get Jack to cooperate.
*peers at Brain*
My brain has never had trouble suspending its disbelief before. Maybe because this who story has been all about Daniel's self-identity, and now I'm trying to get his self-identity to do something that I can't convince myself is realistic?
Anyway, I'm committed to getting this stupid happy ending done, as well as the tragic!Daniel ending, which will involve the same machinations. It'll come to me in some way that works. I'm sure of it.
In less annoying writing news, I accidentally dated my story. I prefer my J/D stories to be vague about the when, but basically to be pre-Ascension unless Ascension plays an important role in the plot. So now I have to revisit a scene and do it a different way. Therefore, you can have the benefit of the smut-that-will-never-be.
All in all, it was good to be back to normal again. Daniel had adapted. Made certain adjustments, but in general, his female body had never felt really like himself, and just being able to pee standing up again made him happier than he would ever have expected.
And women got him hot again. Just as an experiment, he brought The L Word up on On Demand one night. With luck, he had caught one of their steamier episodes. No less than four hot lesbian fuck sessions.
He tried not to read anything into the fact that the hottest one was the pretty trannie with the strap on doing her lipstick ex-girlfriend by the side of the pool.
The point was that with all those lovely female parts on the screen, he literally masturbated himself into oblivion. He woke up hours later, well after midnight, with a crick in his neck, an abused and raw dick, and dried up cum on his shirt where he had wiped his hand between sessions. He was so happy he wished he could call someone and tell them how hot lesbian sex was.
He couldn't think of anyone who would appreciate a call like that from him at 1:30am on a Tuesday night. So he had a shower, a good long standing-up pee, and went to bed.
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no subject
Date: 2006-04-24 03:34 pm (UTC)It does happen though.
I have tranny friends who have flopped back and forth. I have flopped back and forth.
Kate Bornstein, author of Gender Trouble, Gender Outlaw, and My Gender Workbook was born male, transitioned to female, figured out it wasn't much better being a woman because ze was still stuck in a gender box, and decided to be "whatever".
Leslie Feinberg is another trans activist. Ze was born female, took hormones and passed as a male for many years before deciding that wasn't working either and that something vital was still missing from zir life. So ze is whatever too.
I think there is a point, for some people who go on these kind of gender journeys - whether they want to or not - that everything changes to an extent that a lot of gendered ideas stop mattering.
I don't think Daniel's change would be so drastic, mostly because he kind of approached his feminity in a traditional and binary way. But now he's gone back and has got this baggage and is somewhere beyond being the guy he was and the woman he tried to be. He's like. Something new nearly. Maybe it's important to him to have a set identity as either male or female (probably is). But it might also be important to him to eventually acknowledge his identity has been complicated and he would lose something to ignore it.
So, like being girl!Daniel, he embraces this new Daniel, which is more on his terms than being girl Daniel was, because now he's got the freedom of choice in the matter in a sense. Which is very important with self-identity.
I'm probably repeating everything you've already thought of anyways . . .