A couple of things

[brainofck]

30 years from now, my grandchildren, LOTR and SG-1 fans come lately, will be trying to figure out what the HELL I was doing writing hot man on man action when their parents were wee.

Or maybe, 30 years from now I, going on 70, will be trying to remember what the HELL I was doing.

As this is my writing and slashing space, sometimes I feel the need to put these kinds of thoughts here. I vented a little in the spam thread today, and I am leaving myself a few notes.



1. Grrrr. This woman posted a very lovely PWP yesterday. And she keeps saying how she doesn't post to communities because she thinks her fic might be bad. But nearly every person who commented told her they thought her fic was awesome and she should not hesitate to post to communities. But then she says, well, I don't like to put myself forward because what if I suck. Dude. She got a lot of positive reinforcement for that thing she posted yesterday. I know maybe a person lacks confidence, but on the other hand, it sort of rings of false modesty, too.

Heh. When I posted that Morse code thing, I prefaced it by saying "not my best work." I got sooooo many comments on it, lots of people reassuring me that no, it really was good. I felt like I had gone fishing for compliments by making that opening statement. Even though I honestly felt that the story wasn't particularly great, though it had some components worth putting out there. I think in the future, I will not put the self-criticism on the piece. I don't want to be like Miss I-Can't-Post-To-Communities.

I think I am becoming very judgmental in my old age.

[Some discussion ensued, wherein seleneheart and cocoajava gently reminded me that all sorts of fan fiction writers have all sorts of ego and confidence issues. And yet, I remain grumpy.]

2. I'm definitely getting old. princessofg does these great meta pieces where she thinks about slash and "we're not gay" and homophobia, and the interaction of gen and slash and ship fandoms and blah, blah. Very thinky and passionate. [AN: And kudos to her for doing it!] I used to be like that. Now I'm like, you know, fan fic is a passive part of the internet. YOU have to go and find IT. So, if you don't think slash is good because it violates a noromo fandom, or if you don't like Jack/Sam ship because Jack and Daniel are obviously together, or if you don't like slash because OMG THEY ARE NOT GAY, or if you don't like WNG because OMG THAT IS GAY BASHING... Just. Don't. Read. It. Jeez.

See. I told you not to go there...

Comments

[princessofg.livejournal.com]

*pets you*

it's funny -- i go in and out of meta, and often i meta when i can't stitch together two or three uninterrupted hours before 10 p.m., which seems to be the minimum block of time i need to write in a way that doesn't make me resentful.

i didn't write that meta to change anyone's mind, because often people don't want their minds changed, and i am way done apologizing for anything i do around here, but it was so cool to see the discussion that ensued, because i get lonely for my tribe of fangirls and i like it when i can prompt a good discussion. and i have found that the stuff i second guess, the stuff i'm afraid is too over the top or too raw or too dorky or too stupid is the stuff that gets the most discussion rolling. go figure.

that's true in fic, too -- i can't tell you how i can to talk myself into posting "Undiscovered Country," because I was sure no one would read it and that I really needed to be ready for it to get no feedback. and look; people liked it.

i am aware of the author you're referring to about the "methinks the lady doth protest too much," and i have to disagree. I don't know her from adam's housecat, and i don't know her other fandoms, but it sounded to me that her shyness was genuine.

you'd be amazed at the people who still need reassurance. i've learned not to bother to be coy and fish for compliments when i need them. i just come right out and grab a beta by her virtual hair and say, I"M AFRAID THIS STORY SUCKED PLEASE TELL ME I"M WRONG, or I'll post a whiny whinging post and ask for a hug. And the cool thing about my corner of fandom is that no one mocks me for being weak or sniveling, and I always get a bunch of hugs. And just knowing fandom is like that makes me not need to ask very much. Really once in a blue moon.

I adore reading your stuff because you're one of the rare moms in my slash circle right now. and you get the late nights and the self hatred and the overwhelming need for selfishness warring with the desire to spend 24/7 gazing at the baby and indulging it's every whim.

so yeah.

all i know is, you rock, your writing rocks, and i'm sure your kids will rock, too.

j/d 4 evah, baby.

[brainofck.livejournal.com]

Discussion is good. For some reason, I don't have the patience/energy/whatever for it anymore. I am still close enough to my academic roots to feel this as something of a personal failing, even as I flip myself off and say "Screw you" to my conscience. *rolls eyes at Brain*

That's an excellent strategy. The get a beta strategy.

And actually, I like the separate, hold my hand and reassure me post strategy, too.

And no, people should not be mocked for being shy and retiring. I am bad.

I said only supportive things to said author, btw. But in my grumpy mood these days, still grumped to myself and took that lesson away with me that I don't want people to think that about me.

I do know the feeling, though. Did you read Arena? The gladiator thing? Man, everything I wrote on that piece I hated and thought it sucked. But I would come back to the parts a few days later and decide it didn't suck so bad that I couldn't post it.

Now the 20 years in the future, SB/EW part? That is such bad!fic it probably is never going to see the light of day.

you get the late nights and the self hatred and the overwhelming need for selfishness warring with the desire to spend 24/7 gazing at the baby and indulging it's every whim.

You have that, too?!

We totally rock!

And it makes me want to resurrect the mpreg thing RIGHT NOW.

all i know is, you rock, your writing rocks, and i'm sure your kids will rock, too.

*blushes*

*scuffs shoe*

[princessofg.livejournal.com]

well, motherhood is a separate thing from fandom and even from writing. except when it's NOT!!!

hee hee.

because the time demands of motherhood are enormous, it leaves little time for other stuff, like fandom. i guess i'm relieved the i didn't have my "Discovery of Fandom Manic Episode" until my kids were toddlers. I don't know how you do all that you do, frankly.

but anyway.

yeah, i kind of gravitate to the other moms on my f list, just like i tend to gravitate toward people who have the same professional background I do, or who like the same fandoms or who enjoy acafandom or who are married to men. There are all different ways of doing this, thank goodness. and i love seeing all the different; unlike some people who want to stick to people who only like what they like. which is also fine.

but i don't think you need to feel back when you don't want to discuss stuff with people. i go in and out of being receptive and wanting to listen. and sometimes, to be honest, i meta as avoidance behavior from writing. writing is my One True Calling, but sometimes it seems hard so i don't. which is bad.

*hugs*

[princessofg.livejournal.com]

feel bad when you don't feel discussy... typing too fast, sorry.