Adjustments, Part 6
Mar. 10th, 2006 10:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brainofckTitle: Adjustments, Part 6
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
muck_a_luck, posting in brainofck
Pairing: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Rating: PG for most parts, NC-17 eventually
Summary: This story is a close cousin of Metamorphosis, except in this story, Daniel really has changed into a woman.
Content/warnings: Het content.
Disclaimer: If anybody is planning a script like this for SG-1, I'm certainly not going to claim any rights to it. However, I'd be delighted to work in a co-writing/consulting/first-reader/advisory-type capacity, with my fee to be negotiated at that time. :D
Archive rights: Absolutely none. My journals only.muck_a_luck and brainofck
For my loyal![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
rugbytacklers, I have done a Stargate crash course located here.
Adjustments, Part 1
Adjustments, Part 2
Adjustments, Part 3
Adjustments, Part 4
Adjustments, Part 5
"'lo?" he slurred groggily, struggling to focus on the glowing numbers of the clock and bring the phone to his ear at the same time. No one answered. "Hello?" Great. He had just fallen asleep an hour ago. He was never good for anything after one hour. It was a miracle he had woken up at all.
Still no answer.
"Hello!" he demanded stupidly. Then he heard a voice from far away. It sounded like Jack, yelling.
"DANIEL! YOU HAVE THE PHONE UPSIDE DOWN!"
"Huh," he muttered to himself. He fumbled with the handset some more and rolled over onto his back. He brought the phone to his ear finally.
"Hello?" he tried again.
He could hear insane giggles from the other end of the line, quickly muffled.
"Hey," said Jack.
"What's going on?" Daniel asked, trying to shake himself back to full consciousness. A call from Jack- he squinted at the clock again – at 3:43am could not be a good thing.
"I can't stop thinking about how stupid it was to fight about that." Jack sounded as incoherent as Daniel felt.
OK, not life or death, then. Daniel relaxed back into the mattress. For a moment, lying there on his back under the covers, Daniel wondered if he could manage a coherent phone call with his fingers on his clit. He placed his free hand determinedly behind his head.
"Fight about what?" Daniel slurred back, still trying to wake his tongue up. "Not that thing again about the structures on PX7-944? Because it's obvious they're structures, Jack, not just piles of rock." Daniel propped the phone between his head and the pillow and scrubbed at his eyes with both hands, trying to wake up.
"Nah. Who cares about that? I mean that other fight," Jack said unhelpfully. Jack's voice though the phone was a caress against Daniel's ear.
"Jack? Why are you calling me at four in the morning? And have you been drinking?"
"Yup. Drunk as a skunk!" Jack sounded imminently pleased with himself.
Daniel sighed.
"And you called for what reason?" he asked, not quite able to keep the amusement out of his voice. He tried to ignore his brain and body together telling him gleefully that Jack was practically in bed with him. He felt the early tingling of arousal, the still surprising slide-y wet feeling between his legs that he got when he was getting tuned on. He shifted a little just to feel the slippery sensation.
"When you came over the last time and you got drunk. It was stupid to get mad and throw you out like that. I was a jackass and I'm sorry."
Daniel squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. Jack apologizing. The urge to touch himself was suddenly a lot stronger. Hands where we can see them, ma'am, he thought to himself, knotting his fingers into his hair instead.
"Jack, that was three months ago," Daniel enunciated very clearly.
"Yeah, well."
"And why are you calling me at almost four in the morning about an argument we had three months ago?"
"If I give you an honest answer to that you'll hang up the phone and then we can't get on with the apologizing. I think I'm too drunk to hit the redial button."
Daniel snorted.
"So, anyway, about that," Jack continued.
"Yeees," Daniel drawled. He probably should help out some, since he had been as much at fault in that argument as Jack had been, but he was taking a certain spiteful delight in letting Jack do all the work on this. Daniel had one poorly handled drunken conversation on his conscience. Jack needed to atone for over nine months of being a complete bastard.
"I'm doing a thing, in a couple of weeks. For Memorial Day. You wanna come?"
"Okay," said Daniel slowly.
"'Cause last time, us, together, by ourselves. That didn't seem to work," Jack continued, by way of explanation.
"So, this time we can have the entire base, plus families, as chaperones?" Daniel couldn't help feeling slightly miffed.
"Not the entire base. Just some people," Jack said softly. He sounded a little sad.
"Jack, are you OK?"
"Obviously not. I had to get shitfaced to even make this phone call."
Ah. There it was. The anger.
But Daniel felt a little guilty now. Jack was trying, after all. And to Daniel's ear, he sounded miserable, his earlier cheerfulness mostly the alcohol, covering sadness and anger. Daniel knew that Jack was struggling. Daniel just didn't know how to make it any easier. He wasn't going to stop being honest with Jack. That had always been the foundation of their friendship. Their ability and willingness to be honest, and force the other to do the same.
"You do realize that no matter how drunk I was that night, what I said was true," Daniel said. "Nothing's changed about that. And I still think I was right about you. And nothing's changed about that, either," Daniel said. "Are you sure you want to try to do the friend thing, under the circumstances? Because frankly, I'm not sure we can."
There was a such a long pause from the other end of the line that Daniel wondered if Jack had fallen asleep.
"I don't know if we can, either, Daniel," Jack said. Suddenly he sounded much more sober. "But Teal'c told me that if I can't find a way to make this right between us, he's got better things to do than just hang around with the Tauri. It's time for me to get my act together before this becomes an even bigger mess than it already is."
It was Daniel's turn to pause. Jack muttered a curse on the other end of the line.
"The bastard hung up on me," Jack growled to himself.
"No, Jack! I'm still here," Daniel said loudly.
Daniel was sure he heard a sign of relief.
"See, I told you if I was honest..." Jack replied wryly.
"Alright, so. Memorial Day it is," Daniel said.
"Good enough," said Jack. "And if you were wanking yourself off during this whole conversation, I don't ever want to know about it," he admonished, but the laugh was shaky.
So was Daniel's.
"Scout's honor, Jack. My hand's not down my panties."
"Probably just means you're not wearing any," Jack replied taking the cue. But it came out a bit strangled.
Daniel laughed. Really laughed.
"Be sure you drink enough water before you go to bed," Daniel said.
"'Night, Daniel," came the soft reply.
Then the phone went dead.
Daniel hung up in relief. He couldn't remember ever being this horny in all his life before. He fell asleep with his hand down his underwear.
Daniel looked up to find Teal'c in his doorway. The Jaffa bowed slightly in greeting.
"DanielJackson," he said, strolling into the room.
"Hey, Teal'c," Daniel said, eyes drawn immediately back to his work.
"It is my understanding that O'Neill spoke to you this weekend?" Teal'c made the statement a question.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah," Daniel replied, pushing his chair back from his computer and trying not to let himself be distracted again. "He called. Though it was my understanding that the main reason was because you threatened to bail on us if he didn't."
Teal'c inclined his head, with that tiny smile he had when he was pleased, enigmatically not addressing the issue of Jack's motivations.
Instead, he gently placed an object on the table in front of Daniel.
It was a plain brown mailing envelope, a little bulky. Daniel didn't recognized the name on the return label.
"For me?"
Teal'c nodded again.
"I hope you will feel that you can accept the gift in the spirit it was intended. I do not want to have to make threats against my own private parts."
Daniel blinked slowly.
"Teal'c?" he asked. "Um. Was that a joke, or..." No. Daniel would not ask if Teal'c was flirting with him. Daniel turned his attention to the package. It has already been opened. The envelope contained a single item of clothing. A simple, delicate, white knit camisole top, with thin straps and lace trim at the neck. Daniel stifled panicked laughter. His hands trembled as he started to push it away.
"DanielJackson," Teal'c began. Daniel thought he looked... OK. It was Teal'c. Worried would be too strong a word. Maybe nonplussed.
"No, Teal'c. I don't want an explanation..."
"DanielJackson," Teal'c said more firmly. "I have already spoken with O'Neill regarding this matter. The situation between you is intolerable."
Daniel was suddenly panicking a lot more. Teal'c had talked to Jack about this?!
"Look, Teal'c. I appreciate your concern. But..."
Teal'c's expression upon being interrupted was forbidding. Daniel stopped mid-protest.
"DanielJackson," Teal'c began again. "I believe that you must help O'Neill to understand that you have accepted this thing that has happened to you. That you understand that you are a woman now, and not a man."
Daniel scowled.
"Jack is not my problem, Teal'c."
"On the contrary, I believe O'Neill is your friend. You have been devoted to each other for as long as I have known you. And I know that you would do much to help a friend."
Daniel sighed and squeezed his eyes shut.
"So what does this have to do with you dressing me as a girl?" Daniel asked, trying to keep the accusation out of his voice.
"DanielJackson," Teal'c's voice was so soft and gentle that Daniel was startled into looking at him. "We both know where your heart is bestowed, or I promise you that I would have put myself forward long before SG-5 found the courage to make their advances. You want him. We both know he wants you. I think we can both agree that the current situation arises because he believes he should not."
Daniel felt he should say something, but his brain seemed to have stopped working properly. He actually wondered if any of his senses were working properly. Something about presents and Teal'c and unrequited love and Teal'c helping Daniel to help Jack. His brain was just refusing to process it.
"You have to help him, DanielJackson. He has to understand that he is doing nothing wrong in seeing you as a woman. It is my hope that if you can show him that you know and accept your new self, then he will realize that he can, as well, and stop blaming himself for his affection for you."
Teal'c reached out and touched his hand. Daniel realized that he was crushing the soft fabric of the simple garment in both fists. He still couldn't think exactly what he should say.
"You could begin by wearing this," Teal'c suggested. Daniel still couldn't find anything to say.
Teal'c accept his silence. He smiled sadly and inclined his head, then turned and left the room.
Daniel wandered aimlessly around his apartment. He had been thinking about Teal'c's comments for days. Teal'c's gift lay on top of Daniel's dresser, a clean white space against the other detritus of work and life that was jumbled there.
What Daniel couldn't decide was whether Teal'c was right or wrong about him. Daniel had accepted his new status, hadn't he? He rarely thought much about it anymore. It had been months since he had tried to pee standing up. He was comfortable enough with his own body to see himself naked in the mirror and touch himself and fantasize without feeling self-conscious or embarrassed. He was still uneasy about male attentions, but he gave himself some leeway there, because as Sam had pointed out so many months ago, he was in many ways a teenage girl, just learning how to accept his sexuality and it's effect on others. Sam had said it was difficult for everyone. So it seemed only reasonable that it was difficult for him, too.
On the other hand, Daniel thought to himself, he had deliberately avoided being overtly feminine. He chose relatively neutral clothes and simple undergarments and hiking boots. His hair was long enough not to draw attention, short enough to pass Jack's scrutiny, and he didn't do anything much to it. He didn't try to be pretty. He didn't try not to. It didn't matter to him that much, and he felt that was only fair, too.
He was himself, after all. He'd never paid that much attention to his appearance. Why should he start now?
Still, Daniel knew that he honestly didn't think of himself as a woman. If someone gave him a form with a box to check, he still would choose male. That's who he was, inside his own head. He identified that way. He was still a man. The body he was in didn't matter to who he really was, and who he really was hadn't been changed just because some entity in the universe thought it was funny to give him a brand new body.
Except he wasn't a man the way he used to be, either. If he stopped to think about it too long, he still felt uneasy about the fact that the female form didn't do anything for him anymore. And as much as he was disturbed by it, men turned him on. One of the great advantages of his new body, he had decided early in the game, was that at least it was a lot easier to hide the arousal, even when it was its most intense. And his emotional reactions to stress and anger and frustration were definitely different now. Brain chemistry, he told himself. Nothing that touched his essential nature. Except what was he, asked a traitorous tendril of thought, but a big soup of brain chemicals and the electrical firing of neurons?
There had to be something else, he maintained stubbornly. Something else that was separate from hormones and biologically generated electricity. That something was himself, and why did it matter so much if he was a woman, as his body seemed to insist, or a man, as his brain continued thinkt? He was himself. He was Daniel Jackson. Why did these smaller things seem to matter so much?
But he couldn't deny that they did. He couldn't deny that after all these months, he still cared that he was a man not a woman.
How could he blame Jack for having the same problem?
And there was something that Daniel had tried not to think about too hard. The woman in him didn't seem to have any problem reaching out for Jack O'Neill. Daniel felt quite willing to go a long way down that path if it meant he could come to some sort of terms with Jack. The longing his whole self felt for the man now was almost overwhelming, and the anger and sadness Jack's rejection generated could sometimes be debilitating. Daniel was in love now, truly, madly, deeply, and he had accepted it some time ago. And Daniel knew, with great certainty that the reason he was in love with Jack was all about hormones and brain chemistry, and neurons and he still couldn't make it go away.
So there was the real question. Daniel had gone native for Sha'ure. It had even been easy. He'd adopted the clothes and customs and language of her people. Accepted the new roles required of him, been a faithful, loving, loyal husband to her, been a good and obedient son to the Good Father. Learned to fit into their simple society and he had loved it. Loved them. And they had helped him when it was difficult and accommodated his foreign eccentricities with good humor. They had loved him, too.
Daniel had not been willing to do that in his new situation. He had not tried to step forward and be a woman. He had insisted on being Daniel Jackson. Never embraced his new culture, the new language. Never learned his new roles or accepted them.
But Teal'c said that was what Jack needed from him. Jack needed Daniel to go native. To show that he had joined the tribe, wanted to become the person he was expected to be. Then Jack could make the next steps towards accommodating him.
Daniel looked at the clock. 1900. The mall was still open. He was going to need something to go with his new top at Jack's picnic tomorrow.
Adjustments, Part 7
WIP. If you're interested, all my stories, in order, from one page. Also, my fiction recommendations.
Author:
muck_a_luck, posting in brainofckPairing: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Rating: PG for most parts, NC-17 eventually
Summary: This story is a close cousin of Metamorphosis, except in this story, Daniel really has changed into a woman.
Content/warnings: Het content.
Disclaimer: If anybody is planning a script like this for SG-1, I'm certainly not going to claim any rights to it. However, I'd be delighted to work in a co-writing/consulting/first-reader/advisory-type capacity, with my fee to be negotiated at that time. :D
Archive rights: Absolutely none. My journals only.
muck_a_luck and brainofckFor my loyal
rugbytacklers, I have done a Stargate crash course located here.Adjustments, Part 1
Adjustments, Part 2
Adjustments, Part 3
Adjustments, Part 4
Adjustments, Part 5
"'lo?" he slurred groggily, struggling to focus on the glowing numbers of the clock and bring the phone to his ear at the same time. No one answered. "Hello?" Great. He had just fallen asleep an hour ago. He was never good for anything after one hour. It was a miracle he had woken up at all.
Still no answer.
"Hello!" he demanded stupidly. Then he heard a voice from far away. It sounded like Jack, yelling.
"DANIEL! YOU HAVE THE PHONE UPSIDE DOWN!"
"Huh," he muttered to himself. He fumbled with the handset some more and rolled over onto his back. He brought the phone to his ear finally.
"Hello?" he tried again.
He could hear insane giggles from the other end of the line, quickly muffled.
"Hey," said Jack.
"What's going on?" Daniel asked, trying to shake himself back to full consciousness. A call from Jack- he squinted at the clock again – at 3:43am could not be a good thing.
"I can't stop thinking about how stupid it was to fight about that." Jack sounded as incoherent as Daniel felt.
OK, not life or death, then. Daniel relaxed back into the mattress. For a moment, lying there on his back under the covers, Daniel wondered if he could manage a coherent phone call with his fingers on his clit. He placed his free hand determinedly behind his head.
"Fight about what?" Daniel slurred back, still trying to wake his tongue up. "Not that thing again about the structures on PX7-944? Because it's obvious they're structures, Jack, not just piles of rock." Daniel propped the phone between his head and the pillow and scrubbed at his eyes with both hands, trying to wake up.
"Nah. Who cares about that? I mean that other fight," Jack said unhelpfully. Jack's voice though the phone was a caress against Daniel's ear.
"Jack? Why are you calling me at four in the morning? And have you been drinking?"
"Yup. Drunk as a skunk!" Jack sounded imminently pleased with himself.
Daniel sighed.
"And you called for what reason?" he asked, not quite able to keep the amusement out of his voice. He tried to ignore his brain and body together telling him gleefully that Jack was practically in bed with him. He felt the early tingling of arousal, the still surprising slide-y wet feeling between his legs that he got when he was getting tuned on. He shifted a little just to feel the slippery sensation.
"When you came over the last time and you got drunk. It was stupid to get mad and throw you out like that. I was a jackass and I'm sorry."
Daniel squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. Jack apologizing. The urge to touch himself was suddenly a lot stronger. Hands where we can see them, ma'am, he thought to himself, knotting his fingers into his hair instead.
"Jack, that was three months ago," Daniel enunciated very clearly.
"Yeah, well."
"And why are you calling me at almost four in the morning about an argument we had three months ago?"
"If I give you an honest answer to that you'll hang up the phone and then we can't get on with the apologizing. I think I'm too drunk to hit the redial button."
Daniel snorted.
"So, anyway, about that," Jack continued.
"Yeees," Daniel drawled. He probably should help out some, since he had been as much at fault in that argument as Jack had been, but he was taking a certain spiteful delight in letting Jack do all the work on this. Daniel had one poorly handled drunken conversation on his conscience. Jack needed to atone for over nine months of being a complete bastard.
"I'm doing a thing, in a couple of weeks. For Memorial Day. You wanna come?"
"Okay," said Daniel slowly.
"'Cause last time, us, together, by ourselves. That didn't seem to work," Jack continued, by way of explanation.
"So, this time we can have the entire base, plus families, as chaperones?" Daniel couldn't help feeling slightly miffed.
"Not the entire base. Just some people," Jack said softly. He sounded a little sad.
"Jack, are you OK?"
"Obviously not. I had to get shitfaced to even make this phone call."
Ah. There it was. The anger.
But Daniel felt a little guilty now. Jack was trying, after all. And to Daniel's ear, he sounded miserable, his earlier cheerfulness mostly the alcohol, covering sadness and anger. Daniel knew that Jack was struggling. Daniel just didn't know how to make it any easier. He wasn't going to stop being honest with Jack. That had always been the foundation of their friendship. Their ability and willingness to be honest, and force the other to do the same.
"You do realize that no matter how drunk I was that night, what I said was true," Daniel said. "Nothing's changed about that. And I still think I was right about you. And nothing's changed about that, either," Daniel said. "Are you sure you want to try to do the friend thing, under the circumstances? Because frankly, I'm not sure we can."
There was a such a long pause from the other end of the line that Daniel wondered if Jack had fallen asleep.
"I don't know if we can, either, Daniel," Jack said. Suddenly he sounded much more sober. "But Teal'c told me that if I can't find a way to make this right between us, he's got better things to do than just hang around with the Tauri. It's time for me to get my act together before this becomes an even bigger mess than it already is."
It was Daniel's turn to pause. Jack muttered a curse on the other end of the line.
"The bastard hung up on me," Jack growled to himself.
"No, Jack! I'm still here," Daniel said loudly.
Daniel was sure he heard a sign of relief.
"See, I told you if I was honest..." Jack replied wryly.
"Alright, so. Memorial Day it is," Daniel said.
"Good enough," said Jack. "And if you were wanking yourself off during this whole conversation, I don't ever want to know about it," he admonished, but the laugh was shaky.
So was Daniel's.
"Scout's honor, Jack. My hand's not down my panties."
"Probably just means you're not wearing any," Jack replied taking the cue. But it came out a bit strangled.
Daniel laughed. Really laughed.
"Be sure you drink enough water before you go to bed," Daniel said.
"'Night, Daniel," came the soft reply.
Then the phone went dead.
Daniel hung up in relief. He couldn't remember ever being this horny in all his life before. He fell asleep with his hand down his underwear.
Daniel looked up to find Teal'c in his doorway. The Jaffa bowed slightly in greeting.
"DanielJackson," he said, strolling into the room.
"Hey, Teal'c," Daniel said, eyes drawn immediately back to his work.
"It is my understanding that O'Neill spoke to you this weekend?" Teal'c made the statement a question.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah," Daniel replied, pushing his chair back from his computer and trying not to let himself be distracted again. "He called. Though it was my understanding that the main reason was because you threatened to bail on us if he didn't."
Teal'c inclined his head, with that tiny smile he had when he was pleased, enigmatically not addressing the issue of Jack's motivations.
Instead, he gently placed an object on the table in front of Daniel.
It was a plain brown mailing envelope, a little bulky. Daniel didn't recognized the name on the return label.
"For me?"
Teal'c nodded again.
"I hope you will feel that you can accept the gift in the spirit it was intended. I do not want to have to make threats against my own private parts."
Daniel blinked slowly.
"Teal'c?" he asked. "Um. Was that a joke, or..." No. Daniel would not ask if Teal'c was flirting with him. Daniel turned his attention to the package. It has already been opened. The envelope contained a single item of clothing. A simple, delicate, white knit camisole top, with thin straps and lace trim at the neck. Daniel stifled panicked laughter. His hands trembled as he started to push it away.
"DanielJackson," Teal'c began. Daniel thought he looked... OK. It was Teal'c. Worried would be too strong a word. Maybe nonplussed.
"No, Teal'c. I don't want an explanation..."
"DanielJackson," Teal'c said more firmly. "I have already spoken with O'Neill regarding this matter. The situation between you is intolerable."
Daniel was suddenly panicking a lot more. Teal'c had talked to Jack about this?!
"Look, Teal'c. I appreciate your concern. But..."
Teal'c's expression upon being interrupted was forbidding. Daniel stopped mid-protest.
"DanielJackson," Teal'c began again. "I believe that you must help O'Neill to understand that you have accepted this thing that has happened to you. That you understand that you are a woman now, and not a man."
Daniel scowled.
"Jack is not my problem, Teal'c."
"On the contrary, I believe O'Neill is your friend. You have been devoted to each other for as long as I have known you. And I know that you would do much to help a friend."
Daniel sighed and squeezed his eyes shut.
"So what does this have to do with you dressing me as a girl?" Daniel asked, trying to keep the accusation out of his voice.
"DanielJackson," Teal'c's voice was so soft and gentle that Daniel was startled into looking at him. "We both know where your heart is bestowed, or I promise you that I would have put myself forward long before SG-5 found the courage to make their advances. You want him. We both know he wants you. I think we can both agree that the current situation arises because he believes he should not."
Daniel felt he should say something, but his brain seemed to have stopped working properly. He actually wondered if any of his senses were working properly. Something about presents and Teal'c and unrequited love and Teal'c helping Daniel to help Jack. His brain was just refusing to process it.
"You have to help him, DanielJackson. He has to understand that he is doing nothing wrong in seeing you as a woman. It is my hope that if you can show him that you know and accept your new self, then he will realize that he can, as well, and stop blaming himself for his affection for you."
Teal'c reached out and touched his hand. Daniel realized that he was crushing the soft fabric of the simple garment in both fists. He still couldn't think exactly what he should say.
"You could begin by wearing this," Teal'c suggested. Daniel still couldn't find anything to say.
Teal'c accept his silence. He smiled sadly and inclined his head, then turned and left the room.
Daniel wandered aimlessly around his apartment. He had been thinking about Teal'c's comments for days. Teal'c's gift lay on top of Daniel's dresser, a clean white space against the other detritus of work and life that was jumbled there.
What Daniel couldn't decide was whether Teal'c was right or wrong about him. Daniel had accepted his new status, hadn't he? He rarely thought much about it anymore. It had been months since he had tried to pee standing up. He was comfortable enough with his own body to see himself naked in the mirror and touch himself and fantasize without feeling self-conscious or embarrassed. He was still uneasy about male attentions, but he gave himself some leeway there, because as Sam had pointed out so many months ago, he was in many ways a teenage girl, just learning how to accept his sexuality and it's effect on others. Sam had said it was difficult for everyone. So it seemed only reasonable that it was difficult for him, too.
On the other hand, Daniel thought to himself, he had deliberately avoided being overtly feminine. He chose relatively neutral clothes and simple undergarments and hiking boots. His hair was long enough not to draw attention, short enough to pass Jack's scrutiny, and he didn't do anything much to it. He didn't try to be pretty. He didn't try not to. It didn't matter to him that much, and he felt that was only fair, too.
He was himself, after all. He'd never paid that much attention to his appearance. Why should he start now?
Still, Daniel knew that he honestly didn't think of himself as a woman. If someone gave him a form with a box to check, he still would choose male. That's who he was, inside his own head. He identified that way. He was still a man. The body he was in didn't matter to who he really was, and who he really was hadn't been changed just because some entity in the universe thought it was funny to give him a brand new body.
Except he wasn't a man the way he used to be, either. If he stopped to think about it too long, he still felt uneasy about the fact that the female form didn't do anything for him anymore. And as much as he was disturbed by it, men turned him on. One of the great advantages of his new body, he had decided early in the game, was that at least it was a lot easier to hide the arousal, even when it was its most intense. And his emotional reactions to stress and anger and frustration were definitely different now. Brain chemistry, he told himself. Nothing that touched his essential nature. Except what was he, asked a traitorous tendril of thought, but a big soup of brain chemicals and the electrical firing of neurons?
There had to be something else, he maintained stubbornly. Something else that was separate from hormones and biologically generated electricity. That something was himself, and why did it matter so much if he was a woman, as his body seemed to insist, or a man, as his brain continued thinkt? He was himself. He was Daniel Jackson. Why did these smaller things seem to matter so much?
But he couldn't deny that they did. He couldn't deny that after all these months, he still cared that he was a man not a woman.
How could he blame Jack for having the same problem?
And there was something that Daniel had tried not to think about too hard. The woman in him didn't seem to have any problem reaching out for Jack O'Neill. Daniel felt quite willing to go a long way down that path if it meant he could come to some sort of terms with Jack. The longing his whole self felt for the man now was almost overwhelming, and the anger and sadness Jack's rejection generated could sometimes be debilitating. Daniel was in love now, truly, madly, deeply, and he had accepted it some time ago. And Daniel knew, with great certainty that the reason he was in love with Jack was all about hormones and brain chemistry, and neurons and he still couldn't make it go away.
So there was the real question. Daniel had gone native for Sha'ure. It had even been easy. He'd adopted the clothes and customs and language of her people. Accepted the new roles required of him, been a faithful, loving, loyal husband to her, been a good and obedient son to the Good Father. Learned to fit into their simple society and he had loved it. Loved them. And they had helped him when it was difficult and accommodated his foreign eccentricities with good humor. They had loved him, too.
Daniel had not been willing to do that in his new situation. He had not tried to step forward and be a woman. He had insisted on being Daniel Jackson. Never embraced his new culture, the new language. Never learned his new roles or accepted them.
But Teal'c said that was what Jack needed from him. Jack needed Daniel to go native. To show that he had joined the tribe, wanted to become the person he was expected to be. Then Jack could make the next steps towards accommodating him.
Daniel looked at the clock. 1900. The mall was still open. He was going to need something to go with his new top at Jack's picnic tomorrow.
Adjustments, Part 7
WIP. If you're interested, all my stories, in order, from one page. Also, my fiction recommendations.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 04:31 pm (UTC)....
...
...
Okay, back. This chapter is so bittersweet. Lots of laughter and tears and longing.
He sounded a little sad.
"Jack, are you OK?"
"Obviously not. I had to get shitfaced to even make this phone call."
Ah. There it was. The anger.
*cries* Jack is breaking my heart! Poor guy. It's a no-win for him.
But Teal'c told me that if I can't find a way to make this right between us, he's got better things to do than just hang around with the Tauri.
Ooo, devious Teal'c. :-)
"I hope you will feel that you can accept the gift in the spirit it was intended. I do not want to have to make threats against my own private parts."
Bwah! And then Teal'c goes all noble ands wise and stuff... *sniff*
I love the whole idea of Daniel going native for Sha'ure and going native for Jack. Very well put!
Daniel looked at the clock. 1900.
He went native for the military, too. ;-)
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Date: 2006-03-10 04:35 pm (UTC)Teal'c is my deus ex machina. He's very helpful that way.
Glad you liked it! :)
Now for a brief pause for meaningless porn... *rubs hands in anticipation*
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Date: 2006-03-10 05:18 pm (UTC)Teal'c is my deus ex machina.
And yet a tragic character as well, with the unrequitedness and all. Give him his staff weapon and some goa'uld to kill, and he'll feel better. *pets*
Meaningless porn... w00t!
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Date: 2006-03-10 08:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-10 08:24 pm (UTC)Besides. *points to icon* :-P
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Date: 2006-03-10 09:19 pm (UTC)So pimping this story out. See if I don't!!!! :D
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Date: 2006-03-11 02:17 am (UTC)And I loved Teal'c's droll humor as he gave Daniel the gift. :)
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Date: 2006-04-14 12:49 am (UTC)Boring into Daniel's brain and Daniel sorting everything out. Amazing!
Loved, loved, loved this:
Daniel had not been willing to do that in his new situation. He had not tried to step forward and be a woman. He had insisted on being Daniel Jackson. Never embraced his new culture, the new language. Never learned his new roles or accepted them.
Just. Sweet and clear and too the point, the way you explain everything. 'Tis wonderful.