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brainofckTitle: The Perils of Excessive Consumption of Alcohol
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
muck_a_luck, posting in brainofck
Pairing: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill, Samantha Carter/Teal'c
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Sam drinks Jack under the table. Teal'c names the prize for the victor. Daniel comes out on top. Everybody gets Christmas Eve presents.
Content/warnings: First time. With cross-dressing, in the spirit of the season. Candy canes. Secret Santa. Abuse of the Christmas Tree. Oh, Santa is definitely bringing me coal and switches this year!
Words: 4,836
Disclaimer: If anybody is planning a script like this for SG-1, I'm certainly not going to claim any rights to it. However, I'd be delighted to work in a co-writing/consulting/first-reader/advisory-type capacity, with my fee to be negotiated at that time. :D
Beta: Many thanks tococoajava and seleneheart. And would one of you please tell uisgich that there's really no reason to be afraid? *snickers*
Archive rights: Absolutely none. My journals only.muck_a_luck and brainofck
The Matrix: The Matrix is located here. This one is, shockingly, Christmas.
Thanksgiving
"I was unaware that such contests of strength were traditional at these gatherings." Teal'c observed the preparations with obvious distaste.
"Strictly speaking, they're not," Daniel replied, setting the two shot glasses on the table by the two bottles of tequila Sam had found in Jack's cabinets.
"Of course they are!" Jack protested.
"No, they're not, Jack. I think maybe you've spent too many Thanksgivings in the company of other paid homicidal maniacs."
"Hey! Paid homicidal maniac, sitting right here," Sam exclaimed. "Him, too," she pointed to Teal'c. Jack just flipped him off.
"As the guest of honor, Teal'c, I believe you should choose the prize to go to the victor," Jack said, with a bow and a flourish that nearly tipped him over. Teal'c was clearly nonplussed.
"On Chulak, it is common for the winner of a contest such as this to choose a form of humiliation for the loser."
"Ha!" Jack turned to Sam with glee, pointing a wavering finger at her, "Maybe I'll have T turn you over his knee and spank you for your impertinence in thinking you could beat me!"
"More likely, I'll be handing you over to Daniel for the same treatment," Sam said (well, slurred) disdainfully.
"DanielJackson, do you believe it is wise to let them go forward? They have both obviously imbibed far too much alcohol already."
"How do you think people get into drinking contests to start with?" Daniel replied with a shrug. "I say, sit back and enjoy the show."
They settled in comfortably in the living room, close enough to keep an eye on the proceedings.
"Besides," said Daniel quietly, "Sam's only had one beer all afternoon. Aren't you and Jack supposed to be hyper-observant super-soldier types? I feel so naive." He smirked in the direction of the kitchen. Teal'c was sure that DanielJackson was imagining making O'Neill drop his pants, bend over his lap, and take his licks. Teal'c shut his eyes and shook his head.
The holiday traditions of the Tauri…
"You're too sloshed anyway," Sam said.
"Daniel, tell her she can't do that."
"I don't see why not, Jack. What difference does it make if she tells you now or later?"
"Lots of difference! Definitely different."
"O'Neill, I believe that if she gave you to Daniel for a spanking now, the results would be very unpleasant."
Jack eyed Teal'c owlishly.
"You thought Daniel tanning my ass was going to be pleasant?"
"Maybe it's time for us to go," Sam said with a laugh. She leaned over to pat Jack's cheek.
"I'll think of something really, really wonderful. Don't you worry. Now be a good boy, and let Daniel tuck you in, before you pass out on the couch."
"Daniel, tell her she can't talk to me like that."
"Jack, you're not even going to remember this in the morning. I think she can talk to you however she wants."
"Good night, O'Neill. DanielJackson."
"Night, T! You wouldn't spank me, would you?"
"Only at the direct personal request of Major Carter or DanielJackson. Or perhaps under orders from General Hammond," Teal'c stated, with a slight bow to Daniel.
They could hear Jack muttering as Daniel shut the door behind them.
Holiday Festivities
"I can't believe you agreed to this," Jack grumbled. "It's conduct unbecoming an officer."
Daniel snorted. That was rich, considering Jack couldn't take his eyes off her legs. Watching Teal'c sidelong, Daniel was even more amused to see the Jaffa's eyes focused a bit higher.
"I can't believe I agreed to this," Sam replied, looking herself over in the mirror.
"I understood you were to portray this character as part of a holiday event for the enjoyment of small children," Teal'c commented, sounding perplexed.
"I don't think that outfit is for the kids," Daniel smirked.
"It's cute!" Sam protested. She wore a red pleated skirt, about two inches above the knee, with a short-waisted, short-sleeved red turtleneck sweater. The sweater and the skirt were trimmed at hem, waist, and neck with some sort of white fluff. The costume came with black velvet boots to the knee and was completed by, of course, a Santa hat.
"It also really shows off your legs," said Jack, with a decided leer. Teal'c raised an appreciative eyebrow in agreement.
"Not to mention your chest," added Janet with an amused chuckle, looking in from the door. "Now quit twirling for the boys and get your cute little elf butt out here." Frasier wore a similar outfit, but with a decidedly shorter skirt and little upturned slippers instead of boots.
The two elves headed for the elevator and Santa's workshop on Level 3.
"Don't get me wrong, but I am never doing that again," Sam groaned. She sat down at their table in the corner, dressed in street clothes, looking happy, but utterly exhausted.
"Why are you still here?" said Jack, with concern. The party was dying down. Teal'c was teaching the few remaining youngsters a traditional game from Chulak that looked an awful lot like freeze tag to Daniel. The adults were polishing off the finger foods and the booze. "No work left for an elf to do," Jack pointed out.
Sam's tired face lit up with a wicked grin. She looked around conspiratorially, as if she thought someone might be listening in on their table. She leaned in closer and said to Jack, in a near whisper, "I was approached by your Secret Santa today."
Jack was immediately suspicious.
"So?"
She grinned again. Jack's eyes narrowed.
"So, here!" she said, and thrust a plastic grocery bag across the table at him.
"Remember Thanksgiving?"
Daniel chuckled and Jack growled.
"So?!" Jack repeated defiantly.
"You get to wear my elf outfit," she said. Her smile was complete smug self-satisfaction.
Jack's eyes widened in horror. He stared around the still fairly crowded room in fear.
"No," he said. "No way."
Sam laughed.
"No, not here," she agreed. "Your Secret Santa bailed you out. You just have to wear it…" she lowered her voice even farther, making both men lean in even closer, "for him!" She practically yelled the last two words and pointed at Daniel, suddenly howling with laughter. Their table was drawing amused glances from around the room.
Jack stared at her, his mouth opening and closing in a fish-like fashion.
He finally found his voice again.
"Major," he said menacingly.
"Sir, yes sir!" she barked, leaping up and snapping smartly to attention, as Teal'c approached the table with some trepidation. She did a neat about face and practically slammed into him, which just sent her into a fit of giggles.
"Major Carter, have you consumed an excessive amount of alcohol?" he asked.
Which just made her giggles turn to howling laughter again. Teal'c escorted her from the room as tears streamed down her face.
The Night Before Christmas
Daniel sat in Jack's living room, admiring the tree. It was decorated with candy canes, popcorn balls and cranberry garland. Who knew Jack's tree would be so quaint?
Daniel got up and stole a candy cane off the back.
He slurped the candy cane for a few minutes, continuing to contemplate the tree. A thought occurred and he got up again. This time, he broke a twig from a branch in the back.
"Jack, you might want to hurry it up," he called down the hall.
The response was incoherent. Daniel chose to interpret it as protest.
"Because I'm bored and I'm starting to have thoughts about the possible alternate uses of candy canes."
That got Jack's attention.
"You couldn't," Jack yelped, poking his head out from behind the bedroom door. "You know what happens when you suck those things! The red candy melts first, and the white candy gets those sharp edges…" the look on Jack's face was amusingly horrified. Daniel just sucked his candy cane hard for emphasis.
"Fuck," Jack muttered.
"Well, the boots aren't going on," Jack said. "Have you seen the size of Carter's feet?"
"Just get out here and let me see," said Daniel, trying not to laugh.
"Damn fucking insane people," Jack ranted under his breath, finally appearing at the top of the steps.
"I look ridiculous," he said, more clearly, his glare challenging Daniel to say otherwise.
Daniel froze mid-suck, with his candy cane still in his mouth.
Oh, yeah. Jack did look ridiculous. Daniel was sure that if Jack had put the costume on at the party, his only reaction would have been breathless, weeping laughter.
But here, in this room, alone, with a warm fire on the hearth and days of anticipation behind him, somehow Daniel couldn't see ridiculous.
The skirt, short, but still modest on Sam, was positively indecent on Jack, a good six inches taller than his 2IC. And the sweater that had been cute and teasing on Sam, coming just to her waist and sweetly emphasizing her bust, clung to Jack. The fact that it was far too tight across his broad shoulders and deep chest somehow didn't look silly, as it should have. It just emphasized the breadth and depth of Jack's upper body, and the hem, now as much too short as the hem of the skirt, revealed an enticing band of flat, furry tummy.
The Santa hat on top wasn't necessarily sexy, but had a sweet familiarity that somehow made the whole outfit complete. Daniel missed the boots, but a short skirt shows off a man's legs to as much advantage as it does a woman's, Daniel decided, and just let his eyes linger of the sweet curve of Jack's long calves and muscular thighs.
"Uh. Daniel?" Jack said, fidgeting awkwardly. "Seen enough?"
The question in Jack's voice reminded Daniel that he was supposed to be running this show. Daniel pulled the candy cane from his mouth and managed to make a twirling gesture with hit. Jack stared at him in disbelief, but with an exaggerated growl, did a quick pirouette. When he returned to face Daniel again, his eyes were wide and he was blushing. Jack clearly didn't wear a fully pleated skirt often. Daniel had gotten a delicious flash of bare cheeks and half-erect cock when the skirt lifted with the twirl.
Completely speechless, Daniel just crooked his finger.
"No way," Jack said. "Sam said you had to see it. That was all. I'm not coming anywhere near you, especially while you are thinking of creative things you could do with my Christmas tree ornaments."
Daniel had a sudden image of Jack in his red elf outfit, trussed at wrist and ankle with bindings of cranberry garland and threaded popcorn, with his skirt flipped up to show his pretty ass. Utterly ridiculous, but weirdly sexy.
Daniel finally managed to sort out enough brain cells to actually say something.
"Come on," he entreated, trying to keep his voice calm, steady, soothing; patting his knee. "You're supposed to be my Secret Santa present. Come sit on Santa's lap, little elf."
Jack harrumphed in exasperation, but stomped gracelessly down the stairs, eyeing Daniel as menacingly as he could manage, a look not really supported by the fluffy white trim on his collar. Then his eyes went round and startled again and he stopped just a few feet from Daniel, staring at the couch cushion next to him.
The twig from the tree.
"No. Not in a million years," Jack said in a near whisper. He stared at Daniel in shock. "Are you some sort of freak with a Christmas fetish or something? You cannot have had creative thoughts about the uses of the actual tree?!" Jack's voice was rising in pitch and volume in something approaching hysteria.
Daniel just smiled mysteriously and patted his knee again.
"You shouldn't have kept me waiting so long. You know I start to think when I get bored."
"Yeah, but I always thought you were thinking genius-y geek thoughts, not super perverted things you could do to me…" Jack practically squeaked. But he closed the final distance between them and perched in Daniel's lap cautiously.
The skirt was too short, of course, to prevent Jack's bare ass from being on Daniel's knee. Daniel was shockingly aware of it, even through the denim of his own jeans. He could feel the distinct pressure of Jack's balls on his thigh. And despite Jack's clear nervousness about the whole situation, his cock was now distinctly pushing against the fabric of the skirt.
Daniel wrapped his arms around Jack's waist and pressed his face into the softness of the sweater stretched across Jack's chest. The move brought a tiny whimper from Jack, whose growing erection was pressed firmly against Daniel's belly. Jack's arms went around Daniel's shoulders and Daniel felt Jack press his face into Daniel's hair.
"This is turning you on, isn't it?" Daniel said, stating the obvious.
"It's the way the clothes fit," Jack muttered. "The skirt sort of swishes and… you know… touches stuff. And the sweater is the same, except it's more like rubbing…"
Then with more confidence, "And it doesn't help that you are looking at me like all you can think about is ripping my clothes off."
"Oh, that's not all I can think about," Daniel murmured in reply, breathing in the strange smell of the sweater, which still carried the strong scent of Sam mingled with Jack's own warmth. Something about it was making Daniel crazy. "What I'm thinking is that tonight I'm going to get my cock up under that slutty little skirt and demolish your last remaining illusions about exactly how Jack O'Neill is too much of a man to beg for a hard dick up his ass."
Oh. Maybe the wrong thing to say. Jack was suddenly shoving away from him. Daniel tightened his arms around Jack's waist.
"Jack, I'm sorry. Don't react like this."
Jack managed to squirm off Daniel's lap, only to land on the couch next to him.
"Is that what you think? That I can dish it out, but I'm too straight to take it?"
Daniel's arms were still wrapped around him awkwardly, but Jack's body language said he wanted his space, and suddenly, Daniel did, too. He untangled himself, so that they were just sitting thigh to alluringly bare thigh. Daniel sighed and let his eyes drop.
"I dunno, Jack. Maybe. Every time it's come up, I've ended up rolling over. I'm just starting to wonder..."
Jack fidgeted with the white fluffy edge of his skirt. It was driving Daniel out of his mind with the need to push the hem up just a little farther...
"Look, we've only been doing this, what? Two months. Not even. Give a guy a chance! I've been straight for almost fifty years. I need time to adjust to some ideas..."
It wasn't a very good apology. This was a first for Daniel, too, after all, and he had agreed to all sorts of "ideas" right from the beginning. Still, Jack sounded miserable and contrite and continued to play with the damned fluff...
"So make it up to me," Daniel said gruffly. He finally gave in and let his fingers begin stealing up Jack's thigh, his fingertips slipped under the skirt.
Jack swallowed nervously.
"What did you have in mind?"
Daniel set his candy on the coffee table and pushed against Jack's shoulder, nudging him gently to lie on his back on the couch.
"It's Christmas Eve," said Daniel with a leer. "I think you should get an early present."
Jack snorted.
"You gonna give it to me, big boy?"
Which made Daniel laugh.
"Shut up. You're ruining the mood," Daniel spluttered. He pushed Jack's legs up. The skirt fell back and there were all Jack's wonderful parts, still very interested. He let his fingers trace down Jack's hardening cock. Jack shivered.
Daniel shifted to use his shoulder to hold Jack's leg back, while he got up close and personal with Jack's cock. He licked a long stripe, starting low, behind Jack's balls, and lightly up over his scrotum and way up to the tip. He began repeating the action, and every time, it was a little farther to his destination. When he got his first drop of precum, and Jack was breathing heavily, Daniel decided to try something else.
He tipped Jack a little farther back, and instead of licking upwards, he worked his way downwards, touching Jack's hole ever so lightly with the tip of his tongue. Jack groaned. Daniel grinned to himself. Jack thought this was disgusting, and Daniel had yet to persuade his lover to tongue Daniel this way, but Daniel loved the way it made Jack squirm and moan. He loved how Jack would resist at the beginning, but in the end, be shoving his ass in Daniel's face, begging for more, his tight ring being gently but persistently penetrated by Daniel's tongue. Tonight was no different, except pinned on his back as he was, Jack didn't have a lot of room for movement.
When Daniel finally pulled back, Jack's ass was thoroughly wetted with Daniel's spit, and his hole was tightening and releasing in little spasms. Daniel peered between Jack's knees at his face. His lover was sweating, breathing open-mouthed, eyes closed. Daniel must be doing something right.
Still, for Jack's first time, he wanted something more. Something that would make Jack desperate to be fucked. Something that would make Jack beg.
He reached out and took his little twig of pine needles off the table and gently brushed it up, over Jack's damp, exposed buttocks, his hole, his perineum and balls, his weeping dick.
"Fuck!" he yelled, bucking so hard Daniel was nearly thrown off. Daniel laughed and did it again. It was a rush, feeling Jack straining and squirming against Daniel's weight, whimpering, but never asking him to stop.
It was also making him painfully hard. He finally stopped, tossing the twig onto the table, listening to Jack struggle to get his breath back.
Daniel reached out and picked up the candy cane again.
Very, very gently, he touched it to Jack's hole and drew it over the sensitized flesh. Just a tickle. Jack hissed.
"What the hell is that?" he demanded breathlessly.
Daniel lifted the candy to his lips to slurp on it innocently. Jack was watching him with one baleful eye.
"You are not putting that thing in me," Jack growled.
"Nope," Daniel agreed. Then he stuck a couple of fingers into his mouth along with this treat.
Jack groaned.
"You are so sick," he muttered, as Daniel applied fingers slicked with minty saliva. He was pleased when two slid in easily.
He rocked his hand in and out a few times experimentally. Jack's body was tense, wired from the earlier stimulation. His eyes were closed again, but there was strain there that wasn't pleasure.
Maybe the couch wasn't the place for this. And Jack might be flexible, but Daniel had been holding him bent in half for a while now. They needed a better venue.
Daniel gently pulled his fingers free. He let the pressure off Jack's thigh and helped him lower both legs down onto the couch.
Jack whined as Daniel encouraged him to sit up and the skirt fell back down over his cock.
"Why'd you stop?" Jack demanded. He looked insulted.
"Because we're moving," Daniel replied. "I want you to go to the bedroom, take off that sweater, and find some boots.
Jack eyed him. But before he could say anything, Daniel asked, "Are you wearing your tags?"
Jack made a face.
"No. They didn't go with my outfit," he deadpanned.
"Well, put them on, then. And lose the hat."
Jack put his hand up to his head, as if just reminded the hat was there. It sat at a lewd angle, disarranged by all the thrashing and head-tossing, but still, somehow, perched on his head. He pulled it off and tossed it under the tree with the presents.
Jack eyed him again, then stood unsteadily and slowly made his way back into the house.
Daniel followed him a few minutes later, and found him standing in the middle of the room, shirtless, black combat boots on and laced, tags resting on his chest, skirt protruding deliciously.
"Too bad I can't take a picture," Daniel said regretfully around his candy cane.
"Yeah, too bad," repeated Jack, in a tone that promised death to the guy with the digital camera.
Daniel took the stick of candy from his mouth and twirled it again.
"Kneel on the edge of the bed," he ordered. Jack went cooperatively, going onto all fours. The edge of the skirt didn't hang low enough over his bent ass to hide his erection projecting below.
"Oh, wow," Daniel breathed appreciatively.
"Quit thinking about the damned camera," Jack snarled.
So Daniel thought about lube instead.
He unzipped his pants and let himself free. God, it felt good. He slathered the oil onto himself, then stepped up behind Jack and flipped up his skirt. He poured half the bottle over his butt, drawing a startled "Hey!" of protest, and started gripping and kneading with both hands, which reduced Jack to moaning again. Daniel got first one thumb back in, then a couple of fingers, and pretty soon he had the head of his cock pressing against Jack's loosened opening, and Jack was whispering "come on, come on" under his breath, possibly without even knowing it.
Daniel pushed in.
"God," he choked. It had been way too long since he'd gotten his dick inside anybody. It felt incredible.
Jack, however, wasn't breathing anymore.
"Relax, Jack," Daniel said.
"Easy for you to say," Jack gasped. "I've got this huge thing inside me!"
Daniel laughed breathily, even as Jack's body clamped down on him, squeezing him even tighter. He stroked Jack's long bare back with shaking hands, admiring the curve, trying to soothe him.
When he couldn't hold still any longer, he started long careful strokes in and out and Jack started to calm down, loosen up, move with him.
"Go down on your elbows," Daniel directed. Jack collapsed forward. Daniel stroked in and out some more. Jack's breathing hitched.
"Spread your legs a little wider," he said. Another stroke in and Jack made a noise of disbelief.
Daniel laughed a dirty little laugh.
"Told you ages ago it was good," he said.
(Very Early) Christmas Morning
Daniel was sitting back on the couch again, having roused from their post-coital napping and emerged from the bedroom in search of the last of the mulled cider.
Jack, Santa hat again firmly seated on his head, still in skirt and tags and boots, was on his hands and knees rummaging around under the Christmas tree for an elusive perfect night-before gift. Daniel wondered if he could get Jack to wear skirts more often. He made a mental note to buy him a utili-kilt for a Twelfth Night gift.
All too soon, Jack sat back with a grin of pure delight.
"This one," he said emphatically.
"I thought I was supposed to get to choose?" Daniel complained.
"Oh, you'll like this one. Besides, I don't think you should open it when Cassie is here tomorrow."
Well, that certainly sounded like a gift worth opening. Daniel took the shoe-box sized package, and as he was about to rip into the wrapping, something odd about it caught his eye. Jack was grinning just a little too smugly.
Oh, dear Lord. The paper was covered with tiny penises. With bows wrapped around them and balls hanging off. Gold penises on a green field with little red ribbons.
"You are one frightening man, you know that, don't you?" Daniel spluttered, as he slipped his fingers under the tape and carefully removed the bizarre paper. He'd have to find something suitable to wrap in it next year.
The package contained a wooden box, with inscriptions and art work that to the knowledgeable eye clearly identified it as alien. From the look of it, Daniel had just received some sort of alien sex toy for Christmas. He opened the box curiously, to find inside a truly magnificent dildo. He eyed Jack appraisingly, then picked up the object to examine it. Somehow, it looked strangely familiar.
"Don't think I'm crazy, but have I seen this before?" Daniel asked, puzzled.
Jack's smug smirk broke out into a huge grin.
"Remember you were wondering what Teal'c would be like?"
Daniel frowned.
"You went shopping at an alien sex shop and found Teal'c's dick?"
Jack should his head.
"No... Do you remember PT6-969?"
Daniel snorted.
"I certainly do, even if that wasn't the planet's actual designation," he said with amusement. "I have never been more embarrassed on a mission in my entire career with the SGC. Those people..." He shook his head in remembered disbelief.
"Well, Teal'c and I found this shop that custom makes these things," Jack said, picking up the dark-colored phallus and weighing it in his hand. "We thought it was a fun way to spend a little cash on our loved ones." He then produced a second box, very like the first. Daniel took it in confusion and unwrapped it, too, unsurprised to find that it was another similarly carved box, and inside was a second sex toy, this one unmistakable now that he spent so much time handling Jack's little Jack.
Daniel contemplated his two new toys a while longer, turning them in this hands, admiring the workmanship. Knowing how Jack could stretch him out, he was pretty sure Teal'c's cock was going to be a real challenge. He shook his head.
It was Daniel's turn to grin.
"Kinky," Daniel said with a leer. "Though I can tell you from experience that you're pretty big. You probably don't want to take on Teal'c so soon."
Jack blinked at him stupidly. Jack blushed furiously. Jack's mouth fell open and he began to stammer helplessly.
Daniel let a smile curl his lips and saw Jack's eyes get a little wider.
Sam loved when they finished. Well, the other stuff was pretty good, too, not that she was complaining. But when they were done, always after a truly phenomenal orgasm, Teal'c never failed to wrap his heavy arms around her tightly and lay still with her body pressed against his. And kelnorim notwithstanding, she was sure he took a little nap afterwards. But that was okay, too. Because she didn't know if it was something about Jaffa physiology or just something about him, but his penis took forever to relax back to its usual state, and lying there, with his arms around her, her leg more often than not thrown over his hip, his cock still warm inside her, she always had a couple of really lush secondary orgasms. Plus he was warm and sexy and sleepy and she loved him this way.
Tonight, though, he didn't drift off, but was humming to himself contentedly, sometimes squeezing her a little tighter, sometimes rocking his hips again with just a tiny sigh.
"Do you suppose O'Neill enjoyed his gift?" Teal'c asked in a soft, dreamy voice. Oh, she really did love him in bed.
"It was a very thoughtful gift, Teal'c. I'm sure he appreciated it," she said with a smile. He must have felt she was teasing him, because he rocked into her again just a little more firmly.
It was driving her crazy, because she was accommodating two of him tonight. He had suggested a Christmas Eve present, and now she had a very large, very realistic artificial version of Teal'c in her pussy, her actual lover seated firmly in her ass. He shifted again and she shivered.
"I have another gift for you," he rumbled softly.
"I don't think I can handle any more presents right now," she groaned. She felt more than heard Teal'c chuckle against her back.
"We can always experiment with it on another occasion," Teal'c said reassuringly, as he put a second box wrapped in gold penis paper in front of her on the bed. She was a little shaky unwrapping it, only really able to use one hand. But she got the paper off and the decorated case open. She took out the beautiful implement inside. She felt a strange urge to lick it, so she did. Teal'c murmured approvingly. Yup. Just like she thought. He wasn't getting any smaller back there. Teal'c apparently had hidden depths of perversion. She grinned and slipped the phallus between her lips. Teal'c was breathing harshly.
She popped it free again to look it over.
"So if the one you already gave me is you, then what made you choose this one?" she asked.
"I know that you have long desired O'Neill." Teal'c's deep, mellow tones were strained now, as often was when he was aroused.
Sam blinked at the erection in her hands. The Colonel, huh?
"Kinky," she said with a chuckle, and went down on her CO while her lover began pounding her again in earnest.
Merry Christmas, she thought happily.
If you're interested, all my stories, in order, from one page. Also, my fiction recommendations.
For my loyal![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
rugbytacklers, I have done a Stargate crash course located here.
Author:
muck_a_luck, posting in brainofckPairing: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill, Samantha Carter/Teal'c
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Sam drinks Jack under the table. Teal'c names the prize for the victor. Daniel comes out on top. Everybody gets Christmas Eve presents.
Content/warnings: First time. With cross-dressing, in the spirit of the season. Candy canes. Secret Santa. Abuse of the Christmas Tree. Oh, Santa is definitely bringing me coal and switches this year!
Words: 4,836
Disclaimer: If anybody is planning a script like this for SG-1, I'm certainly not going to claim any rights to it. However, I'd be delighted to work in a co-writing/consulting/first-reader/advisory-type capacity, with my fee to be negotiated at that time. :D
Beta: Many thanks to
cocoajava and seleneheart. And would one of you please tell uisgich that there's really no reason to be afraid? *snickers*Archive rights: Absolutely none. My journals only.
muck_a_luck and brainofckThe Matrix: The Matrix is located here. This one is, shockingly, Christmas.
Thanksgiving
"I was unaware that such contests of strength were traditional at these gatherings." Teal'c observed the preparations with obvious distaste.
"Strictly speaking, they're not," Daniel replied, setting the two shot glasses on the table by the two bottles of tequila Sam had found in Jack's cabinets.
"Of course they are!" Jack protested.
"No, they're not, Jack. I think maybe you've spent too many Thanksgivings in the company of other paid homicidal maniacs."
"Hey! Paid homicidal maniac, sitting right here," Sam exclaimed. "Him, too," she pointed to Teal'c. Jack just flipped him off.
"As the guest of honor, Teal'c, I believe you should choose the prize to go to the victor," Jack said, with a bow and a flourish that nearly tipped him over. Teal'c was clearly nonplussed.
"On Chulak, it is common for the winner of a contest such as this to choose a form of humiliation for the loser."
"Ha!" Jack turned to Sam with glee, pointing a wavering finger at her, "Maybe I'll have T turn you over his knee and spank you for your impertinence in thinking you could beat me!"
"More likely, I'll be handing you over to Daniel for the same treatment," Sam said (well, slurred) disdainfully.
"DanielJackson, do you believe it is wise to let them go forward? They have both obviously imbibed far too much alcohol already."
"How do you think people get into drinking contests to start with?" Daniel replied with a shrug. "I say, sit back and enjoy the show."
They settled in comfortably in the living room, close enough to keep an eye on the proceedings.
"Besides," said Daniel quietly, "Sam's only had one beer all afternoon. Aren't you and Jack supposed to be hyper-observant super-soldier types? I feel so naive." He smirked in the direction of the kitchen. Teal'c was sure that DanielJackson was imagining making O'Neill drop his pants, bend over his lap, and take his licks. Teal'c shut his eyes and shook his head.
The holiday traditions of the Tauri…
"You're too sloshed anyway," Sam said.
"Daniel, tell her she can't do that."
"I don't see why not, Jack. What difference does it make if she tells you now or later?"
"Lots of difference! Definitely different."
"O'Neill, I believe that if she gave you to Daniel for a spanking now, the results would be very unpleasant."
Jack eyed Teal'c owlishly.
"You thought Daniel tanning my ass was going to be pleasant?"
"Maybe it's time for us to go," Sam said with a laugh. She leaned over to pat Jack's cheek.
"I'll think of something really, really wonderful. Don't you worry. Now be a good boy, and let Daniel tuck you in, before you pass out on the couch."
"Daniel, tell her she can't talk to me like that."
"Jack, you're not even going to remember this in the morning. I think she can talk to you however she wants."
"Good night, O'Neill. DanielJackson."
"Night, T! You wouldn't spank me, would you?"
"Only at the direct personal request of Major Carter or DanielJackson. Or perhaps under orders from General Hammond," Teal'c stated, with a slight bow to Daniel.
They could hear Jack muttering as Daniel shut the door behind them.
Holiday Festivities
"I can't believe you agreed to this," Jack grumbled. "It's conduct unbecoming an officer."
Daniel snorted. That was rich, considering Jack couldn't take his eyes off her legs. Watching Teal'c sidelong, Daniel was even more amused to see the Jaffa's eyes focused a bit higher.
"I can't believe I agreed to this," Sam replied, looking herself over in the mirror.
"I understood you were to portray this character as part of a holiday event for the enjoyment of small children," Teal'c commented, sounding perplexed.
"I don't think that outfit is for the kids," Daniel smirked.
"It's cute!" Sam protested. She wore a red pleated skirt, about two inches above the knee, with a short-waisted, short-sleeved red turtleneck sweater. The sweater and the skirt were trimmed at hem, waist, and neck with some sort of white fluff. The costume came with black velvet boots to the knee and was completed by, of course, a Santa hat.
"It also really shows off your legs," said Jack, with a decided leer. Teal'c raised an appreciative eyebrow in agreement.
"Not to mention your chest," added Janet with an amused chuckle, looking in from the door. "Now quit twirling for the boys and get your cute little elf butt out here." Frasier wore a similar outfit, but with a decidedly shorter skirt and little upturned slippers instead of boots.
The two elves headed for the elevator and Santa's workshop on Level 3.
"Don't get me wrong, but I am never doing that again," Sam groaned. She sat down at their table in the corner, dressed in street clothes, looking happy, but utterly exhausted.
"Why are you still here?" said Jack, with concern. The party was dying down. Teal'c was teaching the few remaining youngsters a traditional game from Chulak that looked an awful lot like freeze tag to Daniel. The adults were polishing off the finger foods and the booze. "No work left for an elf to do," Jack pointed out.
Sam's tired face lit up with a wicked grin. She looked around conspiratorially, as if she thought someone might be listening in on their table. She leaned in closer and said to Jack, in a near whisper, "I was approached by your Secret Santa today."
Jack was immediately suspicious.
"So?"
She grinned again. Jack's eyes narrowed.
"So, here!" she said, and thrust a plastic grocery bag across the table at him.
"Remember Thanksgiving?"
Daniel chuckled and Jack growled.
"So?!" Jack repeated defiantly.
"You get to wear my elf outfit," she said. Her smile was complete smug self-satisfaction.
Jack's eyes widened in horror. He stared around the still fairly crowded room in fear.
"No," he said. "No way."
Sam laughed.
"No, not here," she agreed. "Your Secret Santa bailed you out. You just have to wear it…" she lowered her voice even farther, making both men lean in even closer, "for him!" She practically yelled the last two words and pointed at Daniel, suddenly howling with laughter. Their table was drawing amused glances from around the room.
Jack stared at her, his mouth opening and closing in a fish-like fashion.
He finally found his voice again.
"Major," he said menacingly.
"Sir, yes sir!" she barked, leaping up and snapping smartly to attention, as Teal'c approached the table with some trepidation. She did a neat about face and practically slammed into him, which just sent her into a fit of giggles.
"Major Carter, have you consumed an excessive amount of alcohol?" he asked.
Which just made her giggles turn to howling laughter again. Teal'c escorted her from the room as tears streamed down her face.
The Night Before Christmas
Daniel sat in Jack's living room, admiring the tree. It was decorated with candy canes, popcorn balls and cranberry garland. Who knew Jack's tree would be so quaint?
Daniel got up and stole a candy cane off the back.
He slurped the candy cane for a few minutes, continuing to contemplate the tree. A thought occurred and he got up again. This time, he broke a twig from a branch in the back.
"Jack, you might want to hurry it up," he called down the hall.
The response was incoherent. Daniel chose to interpret it as protest.
"Because I'm bored and I'm starting to have thoughts about the possible alternate uses of candy canes."
That got Jack's attention.
"You couldn't," Jack yelped, poking his head out from behind the bedroom door. "You know what happens when you suck those things! The red candy melts first, and the white candy gets those sharp edges…" the look on Jack's face was amusingly horrified. Daniel just sucked his candy cane hard for emphasis.
"Fuck," Jack muttered.
"Well, the boots aren't going on," Jack said. "Have you seen the size of Carter's feet?"
"Just get out here and let me see," said Daniel, trying not to laugh.
"Damn fucking insane people," Jack ranted under his breath, finally appearing at the top of the steps.
"I look ridiculous," he said, more clearly, his glare challenging Daniel to say otherwise.
Daniel froze mid-suck, with his candy cane still in his mouth.
Oh, yeah. Jack did look ridiculous. Daniel was sure that if Jack had put the costume on at the party, his only reaction would have been breathless, weeping laughter.
But here, in this room, alone, with a warm fire on the hearth and days of anticipation behind him, somehow Daniel couldn't see ridiculous.
The skirt, short, but still modest on Sam, was positively indecent on Jack, a good six inches taller than his 2IC. And the sweater that had been cute and teasing on Sam, coming just to her waist and sweetly emphasizing her bust, clung to Jack. The fact that it was far too tight across his broad shoulders and deep chest somehow didn't look silly, as it should have. It just emphasized the breadth and depth of Jack's upper body, and the hem, now as much too short as the hem of the skirt, revealed an enticing band of flat, furry tummy.
The Santa hat on top wasn't necessarily sexy, but had a sweet familiarity that somehow made the whole outfit complete. Daniel missed the boots, but a short skirt shows off a man's legs to as much advantage as it does a woman's, Daniel decided, and just let his eyes linger of the sweet curve of Jack's long calves and muscular thighs.
"Uh. Daniel?" Jack said, fidgeting awkwardly. "Seen enough?"
The question in Jack's voice reminded Daniel that he was supposed to be running this show. Daniel pulled the candy cane from his mouth and managed to make a twirling gesture with hit. Jack stared at him in disbelief, but with an exaggerated growl, did a quick pirouette. When he returned to face Daniel again, his eyes were wide and he was blushing. Jack clearly didn't wear a fully pleated skirt often. Daniel had gotten a delicious flash of bare cheeks and half-erect cock when the skirt lifted with the twirl.
Completely speechless, Daniel just crooked his finger.
"No way," Jack said. "Sam said you had to see it. That was all. I'm not coming anywhere near you, especially while you are thinking of creative things you could do with my Christmas tree ornaments."
Daniel had a sudden image of Jack in his red elf outfit, trussed at wrist and ankle with bindings of cranberry garland and threaded popcorn, with his skirt flipped up to show his pretty ass. Utterly ridiculous, but weirdly sexy.
Daniel finally managed to sort out enough brain cells to actually say something.
"Come on," he entreated, trying to keep his voice calm, steady, soothing; patting his knee. "You're supposed to be my Secret Santa present. Come sit on Santa's lap, little elf."
Jack harrumphed in exasperation, but stomped gracelessly down the stairs, eyeing Daniel as menacingly as he could manage, a look not really supported by the fluffy white trim on his collar. Then his eyes went round and startled again and he stopped just a few feet from Daniel, staring at the couch cushion next to him.
The twig from the tree.
"No. Not in a million years," Jack said in a near whisper. He stared at Daniel in shock. "Are you some sort of freak with a Christmas fetish or something? You cannot have had creative thoughts about the uses of the actual tree?!" Jack's voice was rising in pitch and volume in something approaching hysteria.
Daniel just smiled mysteriously and patted his knee again.
"You shouldn't have kept me waiting so long. You know I start to think when I get bored."
"Yeah, but I always thought you were thinking genius-y geek thoughts, not super perverted things you could do to me…" Jack practically squeaked. But he closed the final distance between them and perched in Daniel's lap cautiously.
The skirt was too short, of course, to prevent Jack's bare ass from being on Daniel's knee. Daniel was shockingly aware of it, even through the denim of his own jeans. He could feel the distinct pressure of Jack's balls on his thigh. And despite Jack's clear nervousness about the whole situation, his cock was now distinctly pushing against the fabric of the skirt.
Daniel wrapped his arms around Jack's waist and pressed his face into the softness of the sweater stretched across Jack's chest. The move brought a tiny whimper from Jack, whose growing erection was pressed firmly against Daniel's belly. Jack's arms went around Daniel's shoulders and Daniel felt Jack press his face into Daniel's hair.
"This is turning you on, isn't it?" Daniel said, stating the obvious.
"It's the way the clothes fit," Jack muttered. "The skirt sort of swishes and… you know… touches stuff. And the sweater is the same, except it's more like rubbing…"
Then with more confidence, "And it doesn't help that you are looking at me like all you can think about is ripping my clothes off."
"Oh, that's not all I can think about," Daniel murmured in reply, breathing in the strange smell of the sweater, which still carried the strong scent of Sam mingled with Jack's own warmth. Something about it was making Daniel crazy. "What I'm thinking is that tonight I'm going to get my cock up under that slutty little skirt and demolish your last remaining illusions about exactly how Jack O'Neill is too much of a man to beg for a hard dick up his ass."
Oh. Maybe the wrong thing to say. Jack was suddenly shoving away from him. Daniel tightened his arms around Jack's waist.
"Jack, I'm sorry. Don't react like this."
Jack managed to squirm off Daniel's lap, only to land on the couch next to him.
"Is that what you think? That I can dish it out, but I'm too straight to take it?"
Daniel's arms were still wrapped around him awkwardly, but Jack's body language said he wanted his space, and suddenly, Daniel did, too. He untangled himself, so that they were just sitting thigh to alluringly bare thigh. Daniel sighed and let his eyes drop.
"I dunno, Jack. Maybe. Every time it's come up, I've ended up rolling over. I'm just starting to wonder..."
Jack fidgeted with the white fluffy edge of his skirt. It was driving Daniel out of his mind with the need to push the hem up just a little farther...
"Look, we've only been doing this, what? Two months. Not even. Give a guy a chance! I've been straight for almost fifty years. I need time to adjust to some ideas..."
It wasn't a very good apology. This was a first for Daniel, too, after all, and he had agreed to all sorts of "ideas" right from the beginning. Still, Jack sounded miserable and contrite and continued to play with the damned fluff...
"So make it up to me," Daniel said gruffly. He finally gave in and let his fingers begin stealing up Jack's thigh, his fingertips slipped under the skirt.
Jack swallowed nervously.
"What did you have in mind?"
Daniel set his candy on the coffee table and pushed against Jack's shoulder, nudging him gently to lie on his back on the couch.
"It's Christmas Eve," said Daniel with a leer. "I think you should get an early present."
Jack snorted.
"You gonna give it to me, big boy?"
Which made Daniel laugh.
"Shut up. You're ruining the mood," Daniel spluttered. He pushed Jack's legs up. The skirt fell back and there were all Jack's wonderful parts, still very interested. He let his fingers trace down Jack's hardening cock. Jack shivered.
Daniel shifted to use his shoulder to hold Jack's leg back, while he got up close and personal with Jack's cock. He licked a long stripe, starting low, behind Jack's balls, and lightly up over his scrotum and way up to the tip. He began repeating the action, and every time, it was a little farther to his destination. When he got his first drop of precum, and Jack was breathing heavily, Daniel decided to try something else.
He tipped Jack a little farther back, and instead of licking upwards, he worked his way downwards, touching Jack's hole ever so lightly with the tip of his tongue. Jack groaned. Daniel grinned to himself. Jack thought this was disgusting, and Daniel had yet to persuade his lover to tongue Daniel this way, but Daniel loved the way it made Jack squirm and moan. He loved how Jack would resist at the beginning, but in the end, be shoving his ass in Daniel's face, begging for more, his tight ring being gently but persistently penetrated by Daniel's tongue. Tonight was no different, except pinned on his back as he was, Jack didn't have a lot of room for movement.
When Daniel finally pulled back, Jack's ass was thoroughly wetted with Daniel's spit, and his hole was tightening and releasing in little spasms. Daniel peered between Jack's knees at his face. His lover was sweating, breathing open-mouthed, eyes closed. Daniel must be doing something right.
Still, for Jack's first time, he wanted something more. Something that would make Jack desperate to be fucked. Something that would make Jack beg.
He reached out and took his little twig of pine needles off the table and gently brushed it up, over Jack's damp, exposed buttocks, his hole, his perineum and balls, his weeping dick.
"Fuck!" he yelled, bucking so hard Daniel was nearly thrown off. Daniel laughed and did it again. It was a rush, feeling Jack straining and squirming against Daniel's weight, whimpering, but never asking him to stop.
It was also making him painfully hard. He finally stopped, tossing the twig onto the table, listening to Jack struggle to get his breath back.
Daniel reached out and picked up the candy cane again.
Very, very gently, he touched it to Jack's hole and drew it over the sensitized flesh. Just a tickle. Jack hissed.
"What the hell is that?" he demanded breathlessly.
Daniel lifted the candy to his lips to slurp on it innocently. Jack was watching him with one baleful eye.
"You are not putting that thing in me," Jack growled.
"Nope," Daniel agreed. Then he stuck a couple of fingers into his mouth along with this treat.
Jack groaned.
"You are so sick," he muttered, as Daniel applied fingers slicked with minty saliva. He was pleased when two slid in easily.
He rocked his hand in and out a few times experimentally. Jack's body was tense, wired from the earlier stimulation. His eyes were closed again, but there was strain there that wasn't pleasure.
Maybe the couch wasn't the place for this. And Jack might be flexible, but Daniel had been holding him bent in half for a while now. They needed a better venue.
Daniel gently pulled his fingers free. He let the pressure off Jack's thigh and helped him lower both legs down onto the couch.
Jack whined as Daniel encouraged him to sit up and the skirt fell back down over his cock.
"Why'd you stop?" Jack demanded. He looked insulted.
"Because we're moving," Daniel replied. "I want you to go to the bedroom, take off that sweater, and find some boots.
Jack eyed him. But before he could say anything, Daniel asked, "Are you wearing your tags?"
Jack made a face.
"No. They didn't go with my outfit," he deadpanned.
"Well, put them on, then. And lose the hat."
Jack put his hand up to his head, as if just reminded the hat was there. It sat at a lewd angle, disarranged by all the thrashing and head-tossing, but still, somehow, perched on his head. He pulled it off and tossed it under the tree with the presents.
Jack eyed him again, then stood unsteadily and slowly made his way back into the house.
Daniel followed him a few minutes later, and found him standing in the middle of the room, shirtless, black combat boots on and laced, tags resting on his chest, skirt protruding deliciously.
"Too bad I can't take a picture," Daniel said regretfully around his candy cane.
"Yeah, too bad," repeated Jack, in a tone that promised death to the guy with the digital camera.
Daniel took the stick of candy from his mouth and twirled it again.
"Kneel on the edge of the bed," he ordered. Jack went cooperatively, going onto all fours. The edge of the skirt didn't hang low enough over his bent ass to hide his erection projecting below.
"Oh, wow," Daniel breathed appreciatively.
"Quit thinking about the damned camera," Jack snarled.
So Daniel thought about lube instead.
He unzipped his pants and let himself free. God, it felt good. He slathered the oil onto himself, then stepped up behind Jack and flipped up his skirt. He poured half the bottle over his butt, drawing a startled "Hey!" of protest, and started gripping and kneading with both hands, which reduced Jack to moaning again. Daniel got first one thumb back in, then a couple of fingers, and pretty soon he had the head of his cock pressing against Jack's loosened opening, and Jack was whispering "come on, come on" under his breath, possibly without even knowing it.
Daniel pushed in.
"God," he choked. It had been way too long since he'd gotten his dick inside anybody. It felt incredible.
Jack, however, wasn't breathing anymore.
"Relax, Jack," Daniel said.
"Easy for you to say," Jack gasped. "I've got this huge thing inside me!"
Daniel laughed breathily, even as Jack's body clamped down on him, squeezing him even tighter. He stroked Jack's long bare back with shaking hands, admiring the curve, trying to soothe him.
When he couldn't hold still any longer, he started long careful strokes in and out and Jack started to calm down, loosen up, move with him.
"Go down on your elbows," Daniel directed. Jack collapsed forward. Daniel stroked in and out some more. Jack's breathing hitched.
"Spread your legs a little wider," he said. Another stroke in and Jack made a noise of disbelief.
Daniel laughed a dirty little laugh.
"Told you ages ago it was good," he said.
(Very Early) Christmas Morning
Daniel was sitting back on the couch again, having roused from their post-coital napping and emerged from the bedroom in search of the last of the mulled cider.
Jack, Santa hat again firmly seated on his head, still in skirt and tags and boots, was on his hands and knees rummaging around under the Christmas tree for an elusive perfect night-before gift. Daniel wondered if he could get Jack to wear skirts more often. He made a mental note to buy him a utili-kilt for a Twelfth Night gift.
All too soon, Jack sat back with a grin of pure delight.
"This one," he said emphatically.
"I thought I was supposed to get to choose?" Daniel complained.
"Oh, you'll like this one. Besides, I don't think you should open it when Cassie is here tomorrow."
Well, that certainly sounded like a gift worth opening. Daniel took the shoe-box sized package, and as he was about to rip into the wrapping, something odd about it caught his eye. Jack was grinning just a little too smugly.
Oh, dear Lord. The paper was covered with tiny penises. With bows wrapped around them and balls hanging off. Gold penises on a green field with little red ribbons.
"You are one frightening man, you know that, don't you?" Daniel spluttered, as he slipped his fingers under the tape and carefully removed the bizarre paper. He'd have to find something suitable to wrap in it next year.
The package contained a wooden box, with inscriptions and art work that to the knowledgeable eye clearly identified it as alien. From the look of it, Daniel had just received some sort of alien sex toy for Christmas. He opened the box curiously, to find inside a truly magnificent dildo. He eyed Jack appraisingly, then picked up the object to examine it. Somehow, it looked strangely familiar.
"Don't think I'm crazy, but have I seen this before?" Daniel asked, puzzled.
Jack's smug smirk broke out into a huge grin.
"Remember you were wondering what Teal'c would be like?"
Daniel frowned.
"You went shopping at an alien sex shop and found Teal'c's dick?"
Jack should his head.
"No... Do you remember PT6-969?"
Daniel snorted.
"I certainly do, even if that wasn't the planet's actual designation," he said with amusement. "I have never been more embarrassed on a mission in my entire career with the SGC. Those people..." He shook his head in remembered disbelief.
"Well, Teal'c and I found this shop that custom makes these things," Jack said, picking up the dark-colored phallus and weighing it in his hand. "We thought it was a fun way to spend a little cash on our loved ones." He then produced a second box, very like the first. Daniel took it in confusion and unwrapped it, too, unsurprised to find that it was another similarly carved box, and inside was a second sex toy, this one unmistakable now that he spent so much time handling Jack's little Jack.
Daniel contemplated his two new toys a while longer, turning them in this hands, admiring the workmanship. Knowing how Jack could stretch him out, he was pretty sure Teal'c's cock was going to be a real challenge. He shook his head.
It was Daniel's turn to grin.
"Kinky," Daniel said with a leer. "Though I can tell you from experience that you're pretty big. You probably don't want to take on Teal'c so soon."
Jack blinked at him stupidly. Jack blushed furiously. Jack's mouth fell open and he began to stammer helplessly.
Daniel let a smile curl his lips and saw Jack's eyes get a little wider.
Sam loved when they finished. Well, the other stuff was pretty good, too, not that she was complaining. But when they were done, always after a truly phenomenal orgasm, Teal'c never failed to wrap his heavy arms around her tightly and lay still with her body pressed against his. And kelnorim notwithstanding, she was sure he took a little nap afterwards. But that was okay, too. Because she didn't know if it was something about Jaffa physiology or just something about him, but his penis took forever to relax back to its usual state, and lying there, with his arms around her, her leg more often than not thrown over his hip, his cock still warm inside her, she always had a couple of really lush secondary orgasms. Plus he was warm and sexy and sleepy and she loved him this way.
Tonight, though, he didn't drift off, but was humming to himself contentedly, sometimes squeezing her a little tighter, sometimes rocking his hips again with just a tiny sigh.
"Do you suppose O'Neill enjoyed his gift?" Teal'c asked in a soft, dreamy voice. Oh, she really did love him in bed.
"It was a very thoughtful gift, Teal'c. I'm sure he appreciated it," she said with a smile. He must have felt she was teasing him, because he rocked into her again just a little more firmly.
It was driving her crazy, because she was accommodating two of him tonight. He had suggested a Christmas Eve present, and now she had a very large, very realistic artificial version of Teal'c in her pussy, her actual lover seated firmly in her ass. He shifted again and she shivered.
"I have another gift for you," he rumbled softly.
"I don't think I can handle any more presents right now," she groaned. She felt more than heard Teal'c chuckle against her back.
"We can always experiment with it on another occasion," Teal'c said reassuringly, as he put a second box wrapped in gold penis paper in front of her on the bed. She was a little shaky unwrapping it, only really able to use one hand. But she got the paper off and the decorated case open. She took out the beautiful implement inside. She felt a strange urge to lick it, so she did. Teal'c murmured approvingly. Yup. Just like she thought. He wasn't getting any smaller back there. Teal'c apparently had hidden depths of perversion. She grinned and slipped the phallus between her lips. Teal'c was breathing harshly.
She popped it free again to look it over.
"So if the one you already gave me is you, then what made you choose this one?" she asked.
"I know that you have long desired O'Neill." Teal'c's deep, mellow tones were strained now, as often was when he was aroused.
Sam blinked at the erection in her hands. The Colonel, huh?
"Kinky," she said with a chuckle, and went down on her CO while her lover began pounding her again in earnest.
Merry Christmas, she thought happily.
If you're interested, all my stories, in order, from one page. Also, my fiction recommendations.
For my loyal
rugbytacklers, I have done a Stargate crash course located here.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 04:58 am (UTC)You are so going to hell.
Can I join you?
no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-17 03:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-27 02:42 am (UTC)(And now you're making me feel dirty because I'd been planning on buying my brother a utilikilt before my universe went to hell in a hand basket.)
no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 08:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 08:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 08:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 09:30 am (UTC)Daniel wondered if he could get Jack to wear skirts more often. He made a mental note to buy him a utili-kilt for a Twelfth Night gift.
You know your flist, don't you? Merry Christmas to us! xoxo
no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 08:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 02:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 08:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 04:04 pm (UTC)What the hell is it about Jack in a skirt, and a kinky Daniel? I don't care, it works for me! This was an absolutely delicious combination.
You also had better get started on the utili-kilt fic...
Am adding this to my Christmas recs. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 08:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 07:41 pm (UTC)Also, thought you would be amused that my thought processes when handed a candy cane this afternoon were...interesting. *snickers*
no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 08:16 pm (UTC)Yup. Thoroughly corrupted. :D
So pleased that I could corrupt innocent candy canes for you! Makes me think of the feedback I used to get on Double Lotus...
So pleased you liked it!
no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 08:47 pm (UTC)LMAO!!
no subject
Date: 2006-12-09 12:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-10 04:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-11 02:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-10 10:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-27 03:01 am (UTC)i got nuthin.
amazing. wow. guh.
no subject
Date: 2008-12-27 03:25 am (UTC)(And I didn't think I had a thing for dominating Daniel until I read your scene in the bedroom. Nor Sam/Teal'c. GAH!)
no subject
Date: 2008-12-27 11:30 am (UTC)