![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Bad Sex Self Challenge
Title: In the Temple
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
muck_a_luck, posting in brainofck
Pairing: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Rating: NC-17
Summary: I've never written bad sex, but I got the urge today. Part of my recent randomness.
Content/warnings: Bad!sex.
Words: 489
Disclaimer: If anybody is planning a script like this for SG-1, I'm certainly not going to claim any rights to it. However, I'd be delighted to work in a co-writing/consulting/first-reader/advisory-type capacity, with my fee to be negotiated at that time. :D
Archive rights: Absolutely none. My journals only.muck_a_luck and brainofck
"Ow."
"Sorry."
"Jack!"
"Wait..."
"OW!!"
"Just give me a second!" He pauses. "Do you think this will work for lube?"
"No. I don't think that substance was ever intended to come into contact with human mucous membranes."
"Fine, I'll just..."
"Ew? Ew! No, just stop. Don't!"
"Why not?"
"It's too disgusting for words. Just use your fingers."
"Ew."
"You were about to put your mouth down there!"
"Well, you're mostly clean on the outside..."
"Thanks. I think." He can hear the eyeroll. "I'd do it for you, but you know. Chains. Altar."
"Yeah, yeah. I keep telling you not to touch stuff."
"Hey! You were the one who went and petted the sculpture of a giant penis. I was just in the wrong place at the right time."
"Shut up. Here. How's that?"
"OK." A little breathless.
"All right. Here we go."
"Ungh."
"You still OK?"
"Yeah. Yes. Just get on with it."
"OK."
...
"Jack?"
"Sorry."
"Sorry? Jack you are fifty-something. Are you telling me that you don't have more endurance than that?"
"I said 'sorry.' You didn't have to use the f-word. Besides, considering the circumstances, you should be happy that I was overexcited, instead of not excited enough."
...
"Hey. I thought the cuffs were supposed to release automatically when we..."
"Well, we didn't. You did."
"Oh." There's some groping. "Well, this isn't going to go very well if you can't get a little more interested."
"Oh, I'm plenty interested. But under the circumstances..."
"Fine. Here, I'll just..."
"No! There is no way I'm going to be Jack O'Neill's first blow job in some sort of kinky malfunctioning Ancient fertitility temple. Seriously. Somebody really should have introduced them to the idea of straight-up porn. What does a super-advanced race like the Ancients need a fertility temple for anyway?"
"Well, what do you suggest, then?" Pointed glance at the chains. "Wait. This is an Ancient device, right? You think about the best orgasm you've ever had, and I'll tell the altar that we're all done."
...
"Well, that worked perfectly."
...
"Oh, don't look so smug. It's not like you thought of it right away."
...
"Oh. Oh, oh, oh. Do not tell me you put me through that when you already had this idea!"
"Well, we never have any fun. SG-5 gets all the fertility rituals!"
"Jack, the last time you participated in a 'fertility ritual,' nanites made you 300 years old!"
"Yeah! My point exactly. Here was a chance for a little fun, non-hazardous, no consequences type sex and you can't get with the program."
"I don't think I'm speaking to you anymore. Your sperm is getting on my sock."
"You are no fun. Next time, I'm wanking off the giant penis sculpture with Teal'c."
"Fine. Then the next time I'll get Sam to check out the interesting carvings on the back of the altar."
"You wouldn't."
"Try me."
"Oh, fercryinoutloud."
Stomps off.
Smirks.
Ends.
If you're interested, all my stories, in order, from one page. Also, my fiction recommendations.
Author:
muck_a_luck, posting in brainofckPairing: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Rating: NC-17
Summary: I've never written bad sex, but I got the urge today. Part of my recent randomness.
Content/warnings: Bad!sex.
Words: 489
Disclaimer: If anybody is planning a script like this for SG-1, I'm certainly not going to claim any rights to it. However, I'd be delighted to work in a co-writing/consulting/first-reader/advisory-type capacity, with my fee to be negotiated at that time. :D
Archive rights: Absolutely none. My journals only.
muck_a_luck and brainofck"Ow."
"Sorry."
"Jack!"
"Wait..."
"OW!!"
"Just give me a second!" He pauses. "Do you think this will work for lube?"
"No. I don't think that substance was ever intended to come into contact with human mucous membranes."
"Fine, I'll just..."
"Ew? Ew! No, just stop. Don't!"
"Why not?"
"It's too disgusting for words. Just use your fingers."
"Ew."
"You were about to put your mouth down there!"
"Well, you're mostly clean on the outside..."
"Thanks. I think." He can hear the eyeroll. "I'd do it for you, but you know. Chains. Altar."
"Yeah, yeah. I keep telling you not to touch stuff."
"Hey! You were the one who went and petted the sculpture of a giant penis. I was just in the wrong place at the right time."
"Shut up. Here. How's that?"
"OK." A little breathless.
"All right. Here we go."
"Ungh."
"You still OK?"
"Yeah. Yes. Just get on with it."
"OK."
...
"Jack?"
"Sorry."
"Sorry? Jack you are fifty-something. Are you telling me that you don't have more endurance than that?"
"I said 'sorry.' You didn't have to use the f-word. Besides, considering the circumstances, you should be happy that I was overexcited, instead of not excited enough."
...
"Hey. I thought the cuffs were supposed to release automatically when we..."
"Well, we didn't. You did."
"Oh." There's some groping. "Well, this isn't going to go very well if you can't get a little more interested."
"Oh, I'm plenty interested. But under the circumstances..."
"Fine. Here, I'll just..."
"No! There is no way I'm going to be Jack O'Neill's first blow job in some sort of kinky malfunctioning Ancient fertitility temple. Seriously. Somebody really should have introduced them to the idea of straight-up porn. What does a super-advanced race like the Ancients need a fertility temple for anyway?"
"Well, what do you suggest, then?" Pointed glance at the chains. "Wait. This is an Ancient device, right? You think about the best orgasm you've ever had, and I'll tell the altar that we're all done."
...
"Well, that worked perfectly."
...
"Oh, don't look so smug. It's not like you thought of it right away."
...
"Oh. Oh, oh, oh. Do not tell me you put me through that when you already had this idea!"
"Well, we never have any fun. SG-5 gets all the fertility rituals!"
"Jack, the last time you participated in a 'fertility ritual,' nanites made you 300 years old!"
"Yeah! My point exactly. Here was a chance for a little fun, non-hazardous, no consequences type sex and you can't get with the program."
"I don't think I'm speaking to you anymore. Your sperm is getting on my sock."
"You are no fun. Next time, I'm wanking off the giant penis sculpture with Teal'c."
"Fine. Then the next time I'll get Sam to check out the interesting carvings on the back of the altar."
"You wouldn't."
"Try me."
"Oh, fercryinoutloud."
Stomps off.
Smirks.
Ends.
If you're interested, all my stories, in order, from one page. Also, my fiction recommendations.
no subject
Oh, I wanna read some SG-5 stories now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *bouncebouncebounce*
I quite liked this bad!sex. Quite a lot. Does that make me horrid? DON'T ANSWER THAT.
no subject
*crickets chirp*
Very pleased you enjoyed the bad!sex. A lot. :D
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
"I don't think I'm speaking to you anymore. Your sperm is getting on my sock."
*completely loses it* *falls over*
Why can't the AMTDI happen when they're in the mood for it? WHY? *snert*
no subject
Me, too! *laughs self silly*
These are the moments I am glad the Brain does its own thing...
Why can't the AMTDI happen when they're in the mood for it?
Those damned aliens.
Though I meant to imply that they had *never* done it. Hence lack of mood.
no subject
Best Line in the History of SG-1 Fanfiction.
:-D
no subject
So pleased you liked it!
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
So pleased you liked it!
no subject
**considers thoughtfully**
How's about... SG-1 and Castle Anthrax (from Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
**runs away giggling**
no subject
no subject
*grins*
no subject
Your brain is getting on my sock!
no subject
no subject
Angie
no subject
Thanks!
no subject
Angie
no subject
no subject
Thank you. I needed that. :D.
no subject
But on second thought.... seems like Daniel keeps getting the
quickshort end of thedickstick here.*pets Daniel*
ps. After reading your Viagra ficlet earlier, I had hilarious thoughts of Jack taking his little blue pill. And then he and Daniel sit around watching and waiting for something to happen....kinda like watching the kettle come to a boil. Their conversation while waiting. And then backflash to the very beginning, what happened - or didn't as the case may be - that Jack decided he needed a little bit of assistance. And then the Viagra kicks in and Daniel thinks Jack has turned into the Energizer Bunny. And then.....
*tries to turn brain off but you're not helping* :D
LOL
no subject
I was reading it earlier and had it on the brain. In it, Jack was going to take a Viagra pill. And then reading your fic about being a bit quick-on-the-draw..... Added to my malfunctioning brain....
Sorry! But let me compliment you by saying that I consider you and Sid to be on my short list of favorite J/D writers.
:)
no subject
no subject
no subject